Monday, March 22, 2010

Did you know Hugh Hefner is turning 84 this year?  Of course you didn't, because you don't care.

Did you know Hugh Hefner is more commonly known as "The Hef?" Of course you didn't, because that's ridiculous.

Did you know that Hugh Hefner has absolutely no plans to become celibate just because he's turning 84?  Of course you didn't, because that kind of information is something normal people keep private.  Or because you did know and chose to break out the do-it-yourself lobotomy kit so you could gouge the knowledge of it from your brain.

(Interesting side note: You can google the word lobotomy and find pictures of the procedure...ice picks through the eye sockets and everything.  Those are still not as disgusting as this news story.)

Okay, I'm not one of those people who think the elderly stop being intimate with their partners just because they're elderly.  For all I know, my grandparents got frisky on a regular basis right up to the day my Grandpa Jones passed away.  I don't think there's anything inherently icky about that.  I'm just saying I appreciate the fact that they never told me about it.

I also appreciate the fact that both of my grandparents were old at the time. According to the news story on Hefner, he'll be spending his birthday with his newest girlfriend, Crystal Harris, a woman young enough to be his great granddaughter.

You know, if he were that creepy guy down the street who lives in his pajamas, says inappropriate things, and preys on young women, you'd call him a dirty old man.  Because he's a creepy celebrity who lives in his pajamas, says inappropriate things, and preys on young women, he makes the news.

Mr. Hefner, The Hef, Creepy McCreepster, I have just two things to say to you:  Ew and shhhh.

Now, where did I leave that ice pick...

6 comments:

hairyshoefairy said...

"You know, if he were that creepy guy down the street who lives in his pajamas, says inappropriate things, and preys on young women, you'd call him a dirty old man. Because he's a creepy celebrity who lives in his pajamas, says inappropriate things, and preys on young women, he makes the news."

My favorite part. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

So he's an old guy who is living the dream- he's got a gorgeous young girlfriend and has lived a successful life which, despite his lifestyle which people criticize, has been full of activism in favor of racial integration, women's rights, freedom of speech, and charitable endeavors. Give the guy a break, let him enjoy himself on his 84th birthday, and just to point out, the context of him uttering that quote was a response to what the interviewer said: "do you plan on being celebate on your birthday" which was a gaffe of "do you plan on celebrating your birthday"... Hefner answered her gaffe in a humorous way. Find something better to do with your time or to complain about.

Sarah Clark said...

Like anonymously complaining on someone's blog? That's sounds fun!

MusicalMom said...

Sarah, I love this post! lol

Mindy said...

Honestly, to say that Hugh Hefner has advanced Women's Rights is laughable. I have to believe that your anonymous commentor is a male, with a serious case of "Hugh-envy". I agree with the first comment completely.

hairyshoefairy said...

Wow, Anonymous. Really? How much were you paid to make a comment touting Hefner's alleged activism? As for "living the dream" whose dream is that, exactly? Yours? Because my idea of living the dream involves a family and spouse I deeply love and am committed to. Celebrity or not Hefner is still a dirty old man who has made a living by objectifying women's bodies. At least Sarah could find some humor in this outrageous news while still delivering some perspective.