The Mother Load

I went back to the couch this week.  It was Spring Break (excuse) and I chose not to run.  Call it a relapse.  Call it falling off the wagon.  I prefer to call it falling off the horse, because I plan to get right back on it this week.

How do I feel?

I'm nervous about how you all will feel.  Are you disappointed in me?  Are you understanding?  Do you want to kick my butt?  Do you want to give up on me because you think I'm giving up on me?

I'm nervous to talk to Michelle today.  Nervous that she'll really give it to me.  Nervous that she won't.

I'm hopeful, too.  I've learned a few things this week, and I plan to use those to get me back on track.  I learned that I've been leaning too much on Richard.  When he's too tired to go out with me, I don't run.  I'm going to have to find the motivation within myself or this will never work.

I learned that there's no way to do everything I need to do every day (wife, mom, student, coder, copyeditor, blogger, freelance writer, erstwhile runner) without a schedule.  I made a schedule for my weeks this morning.  It's incredibly tight, but it's doable. 

I learned that I still want to run.  Even having taken a week off, I still want to run.  The fact is, I missed it.  Crazy, huh?  I like how proud of myself I feel when I finish a run.  I didn't get to feel that this week.

Don't get me wrong. I did a lot this week.  I didn't spend my break relaxing and doing nothing.  I worked hard on writing and household project.  I'm proud of that, too.

So, there you go.  I'll go out tomorrow at 1:00 pm, just me and the road, and I'll see what I can do.  I'll shoot for 5 minute runs, but I'll be happy to move as much as I can.  I have just over a month until the big race, which I realize is still plenty of time to get from the pace I've done so far to the pace I need to do to be ready.

I plan to be ready.