The Mother Load

Tooth pain.  It's stupid. It's a special kind of stupid hell. It's a stupid torture I've known off and on for a stupid long time.

As a student of science, I understand on a rational level that the excruciating pain of a toothache is an evolutionary adaptation that forces us to get help and take better care of our teeth and yada yada yada. This helps us avoid the early, gum disease related heart attacks that took many an ancient human and blah de blah, isn't it great we live today? Yeah, the rational me is super smart.  Who the heck cares? The emotional me frickin' hates tooth pain and doesn't give a flying caveman what the pain means.

I gave birth to five kids without pain medication. I would do it 50 more times rather than deal with tooth pain.  I had my gall bladder out and suffered painful complications which kept me in the hospital for five ugly days (for outpatient surgery). It was better than tooth pain.

I have the pain tolerance of a thick-skinned rhino being stung by a bee, but when my teeth hurt, you'll find me rolling around on my bed, crying for my mommy.  And I have a mommy who dealt with our childhood injuries by saying, "Are you bleeding? You'll live." Doesn't matter. In the delirium of tooth pain, my memory of my mommy becomes all softness and sympathy, and I WANT HER!

It's possible (not really) that I'm elevating tooth pain to a higher than deserved level (nuh uh) simply because it's the most recent pain I've experienced (you MUST be joking). Even if that's the case (it's really not), pain is painful, so products that reduce or eliminate pain? They get the awesome label of awesomeness. Because not being in pain is awesome.

I learned about today's Awesome Product, the Red Cross Toothache Kit a few days after I had my wisdom teeth out when I briefly worried I might have developed dry socket. Knowing that dry socket is a pain like no other, I hurried to the interwebs to find a pain solution and found this kit. Fortunately for me (and people in my city...because someone would have died), my problem is not dry socket. My missing wisdom tooth has left the root of an adjacent molar exposed, so my pain is not constant and my gums will heal in time.

But it is pain...tooth pain...so, you know...several times a day, I want to slam my head in a door to take my mind off of it.

Luckily, thankfully, oh-my-gosh-this-could-have-been-so-much-worsefully, the Red Cross Toothache Kit keeps me from having to do that.

The kit (which includes a disclaimer that it has no affiliation with the American Red Cross...weird) consists of a small box of tiny cotton pellets, a pair of itty bitty tweezers, and a teeny weeny bottle of clove oil (mixed with sesame oil as a carrier oil).  I mention the size of its contents not to disparage the product. A ridiculously small amount goes a long way. I just want you to know it's cute. Cute can be a surprisingly effective distraction from pain. When cute works this well, you begin to consider it one of your babies. (The cutest one.)

I found my kit at my local Walgreens where, strangely, the corners are Antelope and University, not Happy and Healthy.  I paid roughly $8 for it. Your price may vary depending on where you live. For me, $8 might as well have been $8,000. It's worth even more than that.

This stuff WORKS. I've never had anything work this well on tooth pain before. If I'd known about this before, the past energy of the universe would have been much more peaceful (and would have contained far fewer swear words). As I type this, pain free, I'm just grateful I know about it now.

A few tips and cautions: While the cotton pellet was useful the first time I used the oil, I found that a Q-tip is a little easier to work with. With a Q-tip, I can direct the oil more precisely and hold it there for the one minute the product suggests. Be aware that the oil does burn a bit at first, and it doesn't have the most pleasant taste or smell. (It's not so much a bad taste as it is a very strong one).

You'll want to avoid swallowing while you're placing the oil, and you're going to spit once your minute is up...a lot. When you think you're done spitting and you start to walk away from your sink, you will probably turn around and spit some more.  I promise you, you'll agree that all of this is well worth it once the pain relief kicks in within a few minutes. When you realize it lasts for hours, you're going to spit again and praise the burn just to pay homage to the wonder that is clove oil.

If you are one of the unfortunate people in the world who does develop dry socket after a tooth extraction, I hear that the pellets are very well suited for packing the tooth socket and relieving pain while it heals. I'm no dentist (as if I could be that evil), so I would recommend a dentist visit for any tooth pain. However, while you wait for that visit, this product is a life saver. And by life saver, I mean many people you might have strangled in your pain induced rage fest will be spared if you use this.

Tooth pain is stupid, but the Red Cross Toothache Kit is a smart solution to a stupid problem. Buy one even if your teeth aren't hurting. Someday, they will hurt, or someone in your family will experience tooth pain. You might as well have this on hand to ease the pain that much more quickly.

When your family asks you what beautiful, intelligent, fantastically wonderful person told you about this amazing product, I know you'll do the right thing and mention my name.

(If you don't, I'll probably punch you in the teeth.)