The Mother Load

I don't run without Richard anymore.  I was talking to Michelle from Phazes Fitness for my training call this week and realized it's about love.  I don't love running.  I love Richard.  So, when I run with Richard, it's like I love running, because there is running and love at the same time.  I wonder if that would work for other things... (My brain immediately goes to math and I think, nope...doesn't work at all.)

Tonight's run was a good one.  I'm getting used to that feeling...is it freedom?  I'm running faster, too.  I can tell by how much farther away I get from Richard during my run cycles than I used to.  I'm not making this about speed, but it's nice to know I'm improving and progressing.
Michelle's been asking me if I'd be willing to take some pictures of myself in a tank top and sweats or shorts to show the way running is reshaping my body.  I'm taking deep breaths and considering it.  Before and after shots are motivating to the runner and to the people the runner inspires.  They're also scary.  I haven't mentioned weight or size or inches on this blog because it's not the reason I'm running.  I won't run for those reasons.  They would never be enough.

This is enough.



That said, I can also see where Michelle is coming from.  Phazes is an awesome sponsor of this blog, and most of the people who use their service are thinking about weight and size and inches.  They want to see results before they put in the effort.  I certainly don't blame them.

I think what I fear most is looking at before pictures and wondering how I could have loved myself at this weight.  Self love has been hard won for me.  Just read about it on my other blog.  I don't want to see someone I don't love in a picture and realize it was me.

Perhaps I could think about it differently.  Maybe it's about the outer me catching up with the inner me.  Maybe that's worth a few snapshots.  I'm giving it thought.  What are your thoughts?