The Mother Load

Last night's run was harder than I'm used to.  Perhaps it was a combination of things.  I only ran once last week, and it seems my body is all too happy to revert back to schlub status.  I was up until 2 am the night before last, and that's added to the mind numbing stupidity of Daylight Savings.  I might also have been carrying around a little of last week's discouragement over my run times, too.

I didn't make it three minutes, and I got angry at myself over it.  I had Richard time me, and I only ran just over 2 minutes during my best run cycles.  I ended my run feeling spent and frustrated.  I've decided I'll buy a small kitchen timer so I can easily keep track of my time from now on.  (And because it would be hard to run with my oven on my back.)

My training call with Michelle gave me a little bit of hope.  She told me the 3 minute point is where most people struggle.  I wonder if a lot of people give up.  It was nice hearing that what I felt last night is normal and that future time increases should be a little easier.

I'm putting this challenge into perspective today.  I think I'm the kind of person who needs a regular challenge in her life.  For awhile, it was natural childbirth.  Once I determined that I was done, it became long distance, endurance hiking.  Today, it's the Couch to 5K.

What I'm trying to remind myself is that during every labor and birth and during each tough hike, I've always gotten to this point.  There is always that moment when I feel frustrated and angry and don't think I can do it anymore.  When I was apprenticing to become a midwife, I saw the same thing happen with most of the mothers we assisted.  At some point, you stop fighting and surrender to the experience, no matter how hard or painful or scary, and that's when peace steps in and things really start to work.

I don't know if I'm ready to stop fighting it, but I'm aware of what's going on.  That's enough for now.