The Mother Load

I heard about this product earlier this year.  I had mixed feelings then, but time and weekly Stupid Product posts have slowly eaten away at my emotional ambiguity until the Bebe Gloton Breastfeeding Doll is now firmly in the Stupid Product category.  If you haven't seen it, take a look.



 
Before I review the Breastfeeding Doll I must disclaim lest ardent breastfeeding supporters misunderstand me:

I breastfed all of my babies. I believe breastfeeding is best for mom and baby.  I breastfed in public and consider myself a lactivist in supporting a woman's right to breastfeed anywhere she can legally be.  My children were all taught from a young age that breastfeeding is normal, natural, and in no way shameful or obscene.  I hope my daughters will go on to provide the best food to their babies. (The babies they have after they get their degrees and marry good husbands who've been screened for past criminal offenses, of course.)  Do you see that I'm your friend, nursing advocates?  Don't send hate mail! (Bottle feeders, I have no beef with you, either.)

So, with that in mind, let's talk about why this doll qualifies as a Stupid Product. 

1. The Halter  I understand that the doll works electronically, so the halter is there to facilitate that.  It just seems a little counterintuitive to teach kids about nursing by creating a doll that requires extra clothing to work. 

2. The Flowers  This might shock you, but contrary to what you may be thinking after watching that video, I don't have flowers on my chest.  (I know!)  For a doll that is supposed to raise awareness about the natural, uh, nature of breastfeeding, they really shot themselves in the foot with their nipple aversion.  As I said in the Make-the-Putt review, there's nothing wrong with nipples.  Girls have them.  Boys have them.  I scream! You scream! We all scream for...wait.  Sorry. 

3. The Creepy Suckling Sound  Babies make all sorts of noise when they nurse, so maybe the maker of this doll was just going for realism?  I don't know. It squigs me out.  I don't want to think about it anymore.

4. The Price The Bebe Gloton is advertised on the web for prices anywhere between $63 to $100.  That's not just stupid.  That's ridiculous.  Evelyn got a moving, crying, giggling, eating, peeing, and pooping doll from Santa for Christmas.  It was only $25.  Maybe the makers of the Bebe Gloton should call themselves the Dollmakers Gloton.

This is where I go back to my disclaimer paragraph and remind you that my children were taught about breastfeeding from a very young age.  Somehow, I did this without a doll that nurses from flower petals.  Actually, all of my girls had their own breastfeeding dolls.  We just called them dolls.  I'd snuggle on the couch with my nursing baby, and big sister would snuggle next to me with hers, lifting her shirt and putting doll to nipple (NIPPLES!) without the need for anything more than her imagination.

The fact that her doll didn't make a creepy suckling noise was just a bonus.