The Mother Load

I thought I'd wrap up the week with a few thoughts about where I'm at.  The kids are hungry, but arguing over tonight's video is keeping them busy enough not to realize I'm not upstairs cooking dinner yet.  Yay for arguing!  (Never thought I'd say that.)

After one week of running, I'm still feeling like this goal may be bigger than me, but I see myself growing to keep pace with it.  To be honest, I'm amazed at what I've done.  I know running 30 seconds and walking 30 seconds for 20 minutes isn't much, but for me, it's more than I thought I could do.  I'm nervous and hopeful about my run on Tuesday, when I'll be bumping it up to a minute of running and a minute of walking.

Every time running day comes near, I start to think of all the reasons to not do this.  I know what they really are, though.  Excuses.  I choose not to make excuses that will rescue me from doing something amazing.  How silly it would be to do otherwise.

I've been wanting to write down a list of my obstacles and my blessings in the endeavor, to give honor to both and move forward realistically and knowledgeably. 

Obstacles
- Fatigue.  Getting home from work at midnight, blogging til one, and then jumping out of bed at 7 to run isn't fun.  I will run anyway.
- My ankles.  I'm working on the shoe situation.  I learned the hard way on Saturday that the soft running track with the wood chips is harder on my ankles than pavement, so I'm going back to pavement on Tuesday.  Really, I'm in the market for better shoes.  I will run anyway.
- My diet.  This needs to change. I'm working on it.  I will run anyway.
- 33 years of the false belief that I can't run.  I will run anyway.
- Fear.  I'm afraid of injury.  I'm afraid of failure.  I'm afraid of success.  I will run anyway.
- My weight.  My cushion...my protection...my shield...me.  I like who I am, and I fear that changing this body is to say I don't love this body.  I love this body.  I honor this body.  Running may change this body.  I will run anyway.

Blessings
- Phazes Fitness.  There's no way around it.  I could not do this without them.  My training calls are motivating, informative, and exactly what I need to keep going and succeed.  I will run because I have received this blessing.
- My family.  "You going running, mom?"  This motivates me.  I'm a running mom...a mom who is doing something good and healthy, and my kids are seeing it.  They cheer me on and inspire me to keep going.  "You're so awesome, love."  This motivates me.  My husband is my best friend, my greatest supporter, my loudest cheerleader.  I will run because I have received this blessing.
- My faith.  Don't think for a minute that I do this without prayer.  Once I hit the 17 minute mark, I pray with every footfall.  My Father in Heaven answers, and I find the strength to keep running.  I will run because I have received this blessing.
- My readers.  You're out there with me every time, and I thank you for it.  You provide support, accountability, and cheers.  Some of you are running with me, preparing to build your own teams to run as part of the Team Mother Load super team.  You inspire me with your stories and encourage me with your belief in what I'm doing.  I will run because I have received this blessing.
- Life, legs, opportunity.  Watching the news reports from Haiti over the last two weeks has reminded me of just how much I have.  There is no more room for whining in my life.  I will run because I have received this blessing.
- My friend, Heidi.  She is a breast cancer survivor and someone I admire more than I think she will ever know.  I am not facing biopsies, mastectomy, chemo, or reconstructive surgery and all the pain that goes with all of that.  I am getting off my fat butt to run a few times a week.  I do it in honor of Heidi who is stronger than I.  It's all I have to offer and I hope it's enough.  I will run because I have received this blessing.

It's getting kind of deep in here.  Also, the kids have stopped arguing and have realized I'm in my room instead of the kitchen.  Until next time...