The Mother Load

The website for Chocolate Babies, today's Stupid Product, invites the reader to be the first to review this product.  You have no idea how happy I am to oblige.  Or maybe you've been reading these Stupid Product reviews for awhile and know exactly how giddy-crazy-stupid happy I am to be the first reviewer.  Either way, here it is.

Chocolate babies are, sadly, exactly what you think they are.  They're small pieces of solid chocolate molded to resemble babies.  Well, they don't so much resemble babies as mummies tightly wrapped for burial, but the makers say they resemble babies, so I'm taking their word for it.

I don't know what's more disturbing: a) that these candies look like dead babies rendered rigid by rigor mortis; b) that the makers actually intended for them to look like real babies; or c) that this product is being marketed for use at baby showers which would conceivably involve a pregnant woman who might find the thought of eating a baby, dead or alive, a tad unpallatable.

Chocolate babies remind me of all the lifelike baby cakes over on Cake Wrecks.  The only difference is that most of those baby cakes are beautifully made and look exactly like gorgeous, sleeping babies.  I still wouldn't want to eat them, but there's at least some craftsmanship involved.

The makers of Chocolate Babies end with a caution.  These candies are sensitive to heat, so they're best bought in the winter months.  They're right, you know.  If there's anything worse than serving a chocolate baby to a mom-to-be at her baby shower, it's serving her a DEFORMED chocolate baby.

For people with chocolate allergies (oh, that's so sad...can I have your share?), there are also Licorice Babies!  Mmmmm...chewy for the lifelike texture!

*Deep breath*  It's the end of the world, people. Nice knowing you.

(Thanks to Richard C. for alerting me to the existence of Chocolate Babies, and for understanding that no matter how much you love chocolate, these will never be okay.)