Monday, February 22, 2010

So Richard and I were in a state of supreme excitement this past weekend when we realized New Moon had finally made it to the dollar theater.  Before you start shrieking in giddy, Twihard fashion and begin gushing about Edward's brooding face or Jacob's washboard abs (He's 16, ladies. Settle down.), I should point out that we attended the movie only to make fun of it. 

Twilight fans we are not.  At one point, when uber romantic (read: codependent) words were being spoken between the tormented leads, Richard leaned close to me and whispered his eerily accurate impression of this YouTube video.

 I snorted loudly enough for the couple in front of us to turn around and then proceeded to laugh quietly until the end of the movie.

As the credits began to roll, I caught Richard's face on camera.  I think it sums up our New Moon sentiments nicely.


But wait!  This is my Outrageous News feature!  I should get to the news, shouldn't I?

It seems that the Vancouver home that was featured in New Moon as the Cullen house is for sale!  Better still, its price has just been reduced!  You, yes you, can own a piece of vampire history for a mere $2,988,000.  That's down from the over $3.3 million asking price the owner wanted when the home was listed in November.

November, huh?  Wasn't New Moon released in November? Eeeeeeeenterestink...

With the economy the way it is, it's not hard to figure out why the house hasn't sold.  The ladies love them some Edward, but they're not completely stupid when it comes to overpriced real estate.

And really, the house has some liabilities.  Imagine living in a house that will be stalked by screaming teens and their moms until the end of time.  I don't think being able to say, "Robert Pattinson breathed here," could make up for that.

If the movie versions of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn continue to use the home, I suppose the new owners might get a chance to meet the cast.  Some would think that's worth a couple million bucks.  I contend that the filming of the Breaking Dawn scene in which Rosemary's, I mean, Bella's baby chews her way out of her mother would be enough to turn most buyers off.  Can you imagine the cleanup?

Besides, if you ever did get to meet Robert Pattinson, he'd just throw you into a wall at the first sign of a papercut.

(Author's note: Eagle eyed Mother Load reader (and Twilight fan) Lis C. pointed out to me that Taylor Lautner is actually 18, so I guess all you middle aged ladies don't really have to settle down.  I still think you should, because ew.  But legally, you can lust after him to your heart's content and your daughter's disgust.  He'll always be Shark Boy to me, so again, ew.)


Phogles said...

oh, now you've gone and made me want to see the movie so I can mock it openly, too. darn you.
conscientious twilight abstainer/objector