Monday, February 15, 2010

When I started searching for today's Outrageous News story, I found one about 30 pounds of pot being found in framed pictures of Jesus.   I thought, there's my story! Thank you, Jesus.  A glance around the page, however, drew my eye to another pot related story, that of a drug bust in Arizona where 743 pounds of marijuana were found in a septic tank truck filled with human waste. I knew I had to profile them both.

There's only one thing I can say to the drug smugglers in these stories:  I loathe you and everything about you.  Okay, two things: I loathe you and everything about you, and nice try.  I'm having a lot of fun imagining the thought processes behind these criminal acts.

Drug Smuggler 1: No one will ever think to look for drugs behind these pictures of Jesus!  What border patrol agent would dare to desecrate a religious object? I'm golden!  As long as there are no drug sniffing dogs, it will work.  And really, why would there be drug sniffing dogs at a border patrol checkpoint? Victory is MINE!

Drug Smuggler 2: Nobody likes poop...not even cops.  Drugs...poop...drugs in poop...Victory is MINE!

Obviously, both criminals were caught and arrested and all the drugs in question were destroyed.  (Gosh, I hope they destroyed the septic pot.)  War on Drugs 2, Drug Smugglers 0, Jesus 1, Human Waste 1.

To Drug Smuggler 1: While I can't really speak for the big guy, I don't think Jesus is very happy with you.

To Drug Smuggler 2: May prison food give you constipation.


Phogles said...

it's a thing of beauty, either way you look at it...the getting busted part, I mean. Thank you for giving me something to spring on my husband for around-the-table conversation at dinner tonight. ;)