Monday, August 2, 2010

Today's Outrageous News story has me trembling with excitement.  Maybe I'm trembling with fever. I don't know.  But I assure you, I am excited to share the story with you.  Why, I haven't been this excited since that clump of Elvis's hair sold for $15,000.

Today...oh, gosh...someone bought...wait for it... Winston Churchill's dentures!  Someone fan me! Why are you not fanning me?

Yes, folks, the Prime Minister's false teeth were on the auction block today in England, a country not known for its dental health.  (Sorry, England. Someone had to say it.)  The choppers were expected to go for a mere 5,000 pounds, but a bidding war ensued (and why wouldn't it?), and the price for the falsies climbed to over 15,000 pounds.  That's $23,770 to us Churchill loving Americans.

Here's a news clip, so you can see the teeth in all their glory, perched inside a jewelry case like the rare gems that they are.

As you heard, the buyer of the dentures also owns a Churchill microphone.  I believe this man is already standing in front of his bathroom mirror, smiling a big, Churchill smile into that microphone, and telling himself to "Never, never, never give up."  Well, good for you, Mr. Someone Else's Teeth Buying Man!

A second set of dentures that was donated to the Royal College of Surgeons is likely going to be used for procedures like appendectomies, tonsillectomies, and the births of half vampire children who are a reluctant to chew themselves out of their mothers' abdomens.

I don't know about you, but that last use sounds downright fortuitous in this era of Team Edward devotees.  A few successful births of bloodsucking babies in the bag, and our obsessed mommies will likely defect to the lisping, cigar smoking, war ending bliss of Team Winston.

What a lovely day that will be.