Monday, August 9, 2010

Raise of hands: How many Mother Load readers have been to a county fair?  How many have tried to leave a county fair at the end of the day's festivities?  How many have felt some frustration while sitting in the endless line of cars trying to exit the fairgrounds at the same time?

How many of you have smeared someone's car window with a poopy diaper in a fit of fairground road rage?

Oh, come on, now.  There are many, many mommies in my readership, so I know you have access to the weapon of choice in today's Outrageous News story.  You mean to tell me that none of you has ever lobbed a diaper bomb at an offending vehicle? Nobody?

Aha. You're all too high class for that kind of thing.  (Or you all dispose of dirty diapers in the proper receptacles immediately after changing them, rather than carting them around in your car, so you've just never had them available at the right moment.)

Well, a woman in Connellsville, Pennsylvania is being charged with harrassment (no pun intended, of course) after she took fecal matters into her own hands during an altercation with another driver.  They, like thousands of other fair-goers, were stuck in a traffic jam.  Unlike thousands of other fair-goers, Jessica Hollis decided to vent her frustration by smearing baby poop on the rear (heh) window of the other driver.

There's not much more to the story than that, folks, except for the fact that Ms. Hollis has not secured herself an attorney at this point.  I'm not an attorney, but I can't imagine any laywer wanting to take on this case, knowing the way in which Ms. Hollis likes to retaliate.

Reporters have been trying to reach Jessica for a comment, but her phone appears to be disconnected.  No word on whether or not the windows of her local phone company are in need of an antibacterial cleanup.

(A special thanks to my 7th grade best friend, Marianne G., of Ohio, for making me aware of today's Outrageous News story.  I'd also like to thank her for never smearing poop on anything I owned, despite being a 7th grader when we lived in the same Oklahoma town.  I'd also like to thank her for threatening every boyfriend I had at that time with harm if any of them hurt me in any way.  I can only assume flying fecal matter might have been involved had she needed to make good on those threats.  Marianne, G., everyone.  What a pal!)