The Mother Load

Sometimes, I wonder if the day will come when I won't be able to lampoon a Stupid Product on The Mother Load...if on some dark day, I'll realize that I've profiled them all, that there are simply no more Stupid Products to be found in the world.

It's people like the makers of the Snazzy Napper who bring a measure of peace to my life. We're just never going to run out, because there are people in the world making products like this:



Oh my.

I've mentioned here before that I suffer from a bit of claustrophobia, so this product is stupid to me by default. Exactly seven seconds into this commercial, I knew I would never, ever use this. Cover my face with a blanket, and you'll be turning the plane around to kick the crazy woman off. Where do I snazzy nap? Where would you like your nervous breakdown induced kick to the face?

But my need for space and air do not a Stupid Product make. I'm sure the vast majority of my readers have no problem at all with confined spaces or objects blocking a bit of their airflow. For those readers, I submit the following:

Point A: The Snazzy Napper is not snazzy. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but at what point does the need for a nap reduce an adult human to an infantile state? This is a baby blanket with straps and a nose hole.  They couldn't make it in a nice, unassuming black? I think they left their snazz at the factory, because I see none here.

Point B: Most of the material on the Snazzy Napper is superfluous. Sure, an abundance of light may make napping while traveling hard, but a simple sleep mask will take care of that problem just fine. I've never not been able to sleep because there was too much light on my neck or chest. I keep wanting to stop the commercial and say, "Snazzy Napper, my eyes are up here."

Point C: This product has a major security flaw. Anyone else notice the woman snuggling down behind her Snazzy Napper and leaving her purse available for the taking? Hello? Sure, it has pockets for small items (completely negating the "lightweight" selling point, I might add), but who enters an airport without a carry on? WHO'S WATCHING THE CARRY ON?! Does the NTSB know about this threat to our national security? (And why isn't she wearing her seat belt in that moving vehicle? Shame on you, Snazzy Napper!)

Point D: It's expensive. I could make one of these with dish towel and some scissors in about five minutes. I wouldn't want to, but I could. Anything more than $5, and they're gouging the public. Actually, I'd be willing to pay them $5 just to stop making this product.

Point E: It looks ridiculous. It's like someone ripped apart a diaper bag and tried to make a burka without knowing how. (No offense intended to the burka wearing public. I'm sure they think this looks ridiculous too.) Do the makers of this product really think people are going to enjoy a private nap while onlookers point and laugh and take camera phone pictures of themselves next to the crazy, diaper-bag-burka-wearing napper?

This, of course, gives me an idea.  Readers, I have an assignment for you. The first person to catch someone wearing one of these in public and send me a picture gets a free Perfect Brownie Pan from me. I'll send you some brownie mix to go with it if you manage to get yourself in the picture while you take it.  I'll be checking around, so don't think you can just copy and send something you pull off Google Images.  I want actual, unpublished photos of actual people. (Published people, however, are not excluded.)  Now go, my readers. Make me proud!

(Thanks to Mother Load reader, Tami C., of Washington, DC, for the burka covered heads up on today's Stupid Product!)