Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Stupid Products: Thanksgiving Turkey Hats

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!  I've been busy baking pies and wondering why my rolls aren't rising while trying to get my kids to understand that we don't own a Shop-Vac, so sucking up large objects and small animals is not a great idea.  By the grace of the Mayflower, we will be ready to feast tomorrow!

But wait!  I've forgotten something!  I never bought my traditional, ridiculous Thanksgiving hat.  What was I thinking?  I can't serve up an elegant meal at my table without a stupid hat on my head!  Why, it's downright un-American.

Fortunately for me, there are kind people out there creating ridiculous hats just for the holiday.  Follow the links and feast your eyes on these beauties:
NEW Gobbler Thanksgiving Bird TURKEY HAT parade pilgrim

Hey, I didn't name it.  It is the custom of some Ebay sellers to include as many keywords as possible in the names of their products to maximize their chances of coming up on a Google search.  For instance, I googled "thanksgiving mini parade" just to see what came up and found this.  Congratulations, seller.  Your keywords landed you on my stupid products post.  You must be very proud.

As for the hat, it took me a minute to decide if the fake red hair was just attached to the mannequin or if it was, indeed, part of this monstrosity of a hat. I regret to inform you that the hair is included.  The good news is that this hat is sure to "get you gobbling."  I don't kow about you, but it's been way too long since I last gobbled.  If you snipe me on this sale, I will take pictures of you in the hat and send them to your boss.

Plush Gobbler Hat

If doll hair isn't doing it for you, you can try this turkey hat.  There's not much of a description, but the picture is pretty self explanatory.  Bonus points to this seller for having the turkey's plush legs dangle down over the ears of the wearer.  This hat is perfect for those chilly runs into the store for forgotten corn starch or whipping cream.


I think the look on this guy's face says it all. Why, God, why? Note the sellers claim this hat has "hundreds of uses and applications!" Okaaaay, there's wearing it on your head and, uh, burning it in your fireplace? That's only two. I guess I could use it as toilet paper in a pinch, but that would seriously reduce any further uses or applications.

If you want to wear a raw turkey on your head, the only correct way was demonstrated by Monica on "Friends." It's real turkey or nothing, people.

That's all I've got for today.  It's time to put the rolls in the oven and pray for the best. Have a great Thanksgiving holiday and remember, a turkey's not a turkey unless it's on your head.