The Mother Load

Is your bathroom color scheme a bit on the blah side? It is? Well, then, I'm pleased to introduce you to the product that could end the drab bathroom blues. Ladies and Gentlemen, the LED Toilet Seat, the glowing, ocean/space themed answer to your problem. You can see the shimmering toilet seat in all its glory at this site. Just look at how the seat gives off a bright and cheerful "TA-DA!" as it opens and closes.

Now, I should point out that this pricey piece of potty is sold by a company called Windy City Novelties, so it's not being marketed as a product that should be taken seriously. However, being a novelty product does not automatically exempt it from Stupid Product status. I could mass produce a close-up photo of my ear wax and sell it as a novelty greeting card. You'd still think it was stupid. (And rightly so!)

I have a few problems with this product.

A) LED technology should not be equated with fecal matter. I'm just saying.

B) It's $59. As you can see here, your standard toilet seat costs about $15. Prices can get up to $50 for padded, tastefully decorated, or heated seats, but these are things worth paying for. If you want your toilet seat to glow in the dark, they have cheap stickers for that. The site says, "your guests will be smiling," when they see this. I think the word they're looking for is smirking. It's the expression that goes with sentiments like, "Can you believe this moron paid money for that?"

C) When I use the toilet, I'm not interested in a light show. I have a strict "Get in, get done, get out" policy about these things. I don't go to the bathroom for entertainment, is what I'm saying.

D) Cleanup...how?

E) I make use of the toilet when I AM nauseated. I don't get there to BECOME nauseated. Even now, I can only stand the picture of this thing for a few moments at a time. I can't imagine what the real thing would do to me.

Maybe there are people out there dreaming of the day they can plant their naked bottoms on a $59 light show and do their business in style. To those people I say, "Sorry. The LED Toilet Seat is out of stock, but I've got a very nice ring of Christmas lights I can set up in the yard."