The Mother Load

With Christmas just about a month away, you might be wondering just what to get that special someone in your life. Men, if that someone is a woman, you might consider a nice piece of jewelry, for instance, the kind one Mother Load sponsor sells on this site. Cute stuff, huh?  Every piece is elegant and versatile.  Not a single bit of it says, "I came out of the wrong end of a wild animal."  Call me crazy, but I like that in my jewelry.

What kind of jewelry would say such a thing, you ask?  Oh, naive Christmas shopper, you have much to learn.  Apparently, an Illinois zoo is offering up necklaces made from the dung of their resident reindeer just in time for the Christmas shopping rush.  You can read the full story here.

According to the story, the practice of creating baubles from bowel movements is nothing new.  Last year, the zoo offered Christmas ornaments made from reindeer droppings, and these were "swept up" by eager shoppers who think sparkly pieces of excrement are the perfect complement to popcorn garlands and tinsel.  I guess if you want your artificial tree to seem more authentic, animal droppings are the way to go.

In an attempt to get a bit more personal with the meadow muffins this year, someone at the zoo decided to add to the crap collection and make some jewelry.  Each piece sells for $15 at the gift shop, or you can purchase your jewelry online for $20.  Holy Deer Diarrhea, Batman!  That's a bargain!  (I can imagine a woman proudly showing off her purchase: "You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen?  They made my necklace.")

I suppose I should point out that the dung is sterilized before it's covered in glitter and resold as jewelry.  Because, you know, feces are fine as long a they're sterilized.  It's okay if the reindeer who produced your earrings had an intestinal parasite.  The worms are definitely killed in the sterilization process.  Feel free to wear them close to your face or leave them around for your baby to chew on.  They're clean!

I have no beef (venison?) with the zoo trying to make money.  This particular zoo lost about $200,000 this year in budget cuts, so I guess they're feeling a bit desperate.  Or maybe they're going with the reverse psychology angle.  For all we know, they're hoping people will pay them not to send them poop jewelry.
 
It's worth $15 to me...

(Thanks to Jami K. for making manure-free jewelry.)