The Mother Load

I can't stop laughing. My stomach aches; my cheeks hurt; and I'm at serious risk of incontinence over today's stupid product. I don't really know why this is making me laugh so hard. Maybe it won't strike you as quite so comical. At this point, I'm enjoying this good laugh so much, I don't care! You can see it in detail hee-hee-hee-here.

I think the humor in this product might come from the earnestness of its creator. There are song parodies and silly music videos all over the internet lampooning Nadya Suleman and her decision to create 14 kids via in vitro fertilization despite being single, jobless, and living with her working class parents. This CD is not one of those parodies. This is the real deal. It's completely, unabashedly serious...an extremely non-self aware tribute to the Octomom.

According to the info on the site, songwriter, Karen Sokolof-Javitch of "Princess Diana, the Musical" fame (what do you mean you've never heard of it?), watched the story of the octuplets unfold and was so inspired she wrote 15 songs in their honor. I guess that's one song for each of Nadya Suleman's children, and a bonus track for Nadya. Proceeds from the CD will raise money for Nadya's next lip injection, I mean, for household expenses.

The music has the feel of an off, off, off, off...ok, nowhere near...Broadway musical. This is actually a shock to me, as it was orchestrated by Chuck Penington, the conductor of Mannheim Steamroller. Yeah, that Mannheim Steamroller...the awesome one with the great music. Oh, Chuck, how could you? Really? This?

But enough background! Let's get to the Fertile Myrtle showtunes!

You can hear the full song, "We're Not the Little Kids" on this site. Here are my favorite lines: "We don't understand what all the fuss is about. Mommy got fat and then the babies fell out. Now we play outside and people shout. They don't know what we're all about." Ahhh, the babies fell out! So THAT'S how it works!

Snippets of a few of the other featured songs can be heard here.

From "Leave her Alone!"
"You've got to leave her alone, leave her alone, leave her alooooone! She's a prisoner in her own home, in her own home, in her own hoooooome!" This is followed by a chorus of members of the press singing, "Maybe we should leave her alone, leave her alone, leave her aloooooone! She's just so cute and well-known, cute and well-known, cute and well-knooooooown!" You know, I didn't really see the attraction until now. She's cute AND well-known!

From "She's the Octomom!"
"We know a girl who makes quite a statement. She's pure entertainment to us. (She's the Octomom!) We know a girl who razzles and dazzles and spickles and spackles us all! This wondrous girl has become a legend in time. Making her own headlines! What a babe! No *garbled* style with baby pink or baby blue. (These babies look charming with you!) You kept your *garbled*. Such a royal babe. (She's the Octomom!) Such a royal babe. (She's the Octomom!)" Please, Nadya, you royal babe, you, no spickling and spackling in my house.

I have to hand it to the composer. She's a better woman than I am. We all had our opinions the day the news broke that the miracle babies were born to a woman this confused about responsibility. I chose to shake my head and predict I'd be seeing many of those kids in their teen years when they'd be shipped out to the treatment center where I work. Karen Sokolof-Javitch filled her heart with generosity and wrote them songs. Maybe I should take a lesson from her.

I've decided to write my own tribute album to raise money for Nadya and her crew. I've just started my first song, "I Can't Feel My Lips." It's a work in progress.