The Mother Load

*Note* This is first post in my new weekly feature, Stupid Products. Watch for it Wednesdays!

Yes, you read that right. The Placenta Teddy Bear. No, I'm not joking. Oh, how I wish I were joking. Someone is making toys out of body parts and selling them to children. Please, God, don't let it be real!

Alas.

The Placenta Teddy Bear is just what you're afraid it is...a bear made from a human placenta. It's meant to be a keepsake for baby and according to the designer, "celebrates the unity of the infant, the mother and the placenta." Never mind that it's displayed in a glass jar with all the warmth of a severed head and clunky stitching you haven't seen since you watched Frankenstein. You can check it out here.

I have no beef with the human placenta. I homebirthed three of my children and trained for a year and a half in a traditional midwifery apprenticeship. I handled dozens of placentas in my time and was always fascinated by the biological miracle I was holding in my gloved hands. If it weren't for placentas, there would be no babies. Three cheers for the placenta! Placentas are OK by me.

The Placenta Teddy Bear? Not so much. Can you imagine the child who has sleep with this thing in his room? "Mommy, the placenta is staring at me again. Can I sleep with you?"

And really...what's next? A meconium mobile? A foreskin frisbee? Shellacked stool from the first successful bowel movement on the big-girl potty?

If you're feeling a little queasy and want to let someone know, you can go to the site and vote on whether you think the Placenta Teddy Bear is cuddly or cringe-worthy. I clicked on the "Barftastic" button faster than you can say, "I had your appendix engraved for you. Happy Valentine's Day."