Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Stupid Product: Sexy costumes for kids

It's getting close to Halloween. Do you know what your child wants to be? So far, I've got a vampire princess, Catwoman, and the corpse bride in the house. My oldest hasn't settled on anything, and my youngest goes back and forth between Spiderman and Prince Caspian.

Apparently, my kids don't know a thing about what's in in costumes these days. Feel free to accuse me of living under a rock or in a cave or within some mythical realm in which kids are kids, but HOLY MOLY! When did we start dressing our kids like they just received their membership cards to Future Porn Stars of America? The costumes available in costume shops and on the web put the freak in "I am one really freaked out mom!"

Don't believe me? Follow the links.

Child's pimp costume. You won't believe it until you see it.

That's right. Little Timmy might want to go trick-or-treating as a football player or a rockstar, but those costumes are childish and lame. He's nearly 9 years old, after all. He's practically a man. It's time for him to grow up and start taking care of business...the business of prostitution, that is. Nothing says, "the best years of his life," like a cut of the streetwalking profits. Of course, if he's really going to pull it off, he'll need a couple of working girls. See below.

Preteen Gretel Costume. How old is a preteen, again?

Doesn't this model look a little too old and a lot too chesty to be a preteen? I have a preteen in my house, and she does not look like that. (Dear God, thank you, thank you, thank you!) And I have to take issue with literary accuracy here. I've read Hansel and Gretel a few times, and I just don't remember Gretel flouncing around in a short halter dress and thigh highs. I seem to remember she was starving and ragged. Oh, and she was a kid...a minor...a young girl...not in any way employed by Frederick's of Hollywood.

Child French Maid. They did NOT!

Speaking of lingerie... I have no words. None at all. Except that I feel like I need to turn myself in to the police just for looking at that page. Someone save that girl from her parents. Please.

Preteen Sexy Red Riding Hood. GAAAAAHHHHH!

Dear maker of this product: When I think of 12 year olds, I don't think of the word "sexy." This is a good thing. If I did, you would be looking up my name and address on a sex offender registry. Yes, I know there are 12 year olds out there having sex. This is not a good thing. Perhaps this will make it easier to understand. (Put on your thinking cap now...yes, the rusty one with the dent in it. It's the only one you have.) 12 year olds...innocent and nonsexualized...GOOD! Sexy preteen costumes...BAD. You...STUPID!

I'll go back under my rock now. I have a corpse bride costume to make.


Jenn said...


hairyshoefairy said...

Yikes! Ridiculous! And to the parent who purchases such crap for their kid? Where is your brain?

Millionaira said...

i've been pretty much disgusted w/ produced halloween costumes for some time girls do NOT need to dress like that!!!

nermalgal said...

This is why there are shows like "Secert Life of the American Teenager". Makes me sick

Michelle said...

I was going to order the 49.99 Pimp suit for my 10 year old boy but they are out of stock. can you beleive it? Out of Stock?????? I was joking, but apparently some "parents" of 10 year old boys think it's cool to pretend to pimp. FUN! and we wonder why our nation is in trouble? THINK PEOPLE! USE YOUR BRAINS!!!!!!!

Jennica said...

WOw! Matt says he may know some "clients" that would buy those for their kids. sad

Sarah Clark said...

Seriously. The sad thing is that I could have written this entire post about the teen costumes. I'm just as appalled teen girls are walking around like this. I had no clue people were dressing their younger children this way. Makes me want to cuddle my still innocent tween and preteen and thank the Heavens above I stopped being able to afford cable TV when I divorced 4 years ago and decided not to turn it back on. Maybe some will call my kids sheltered, but look at what I must shelter them from and then fault me. Here's to kids being kids and adults being responsible stewards of that.