Monday, July 12, 2010

Well, okay, he's a man in the sense that his chronological age is 29.  In all other senses of the word, Robert Edward Tyrell Jr, who held his mother at gunpoint for refusing to iron his clothes, falls miserably short. Apparently, Robert needed his clothing ironed and expected his 51 year old mother to do it for him.  When she refused, likely citing the fact that he was NEARLY THIRTY, a scuffle ensued because Mr. Tyrell, citing the fact that ironing is "woman's work," disagreed.  When she continued to refuse, he pulled a gun (that's crazy person work, I guess) and wouldn't let her leave the house.

I'd like to address this blog post to dear Robert.

Psycho loser...can I...can I call you psycho loser?  Thanks. Psycho loser, I think we need to have a little talk.  Now, I'm going to speak slowly so you'll understand me, but feel free to stop me any time I use a word that's too big, okay?

What?  Oh, psycho means crazy.  So when I say psycho, I'm saying I think you're crazy.  Do you need help with "loser?"  You've got that one?  Okay. Moving on.

Psycho loser, you are 29 years old.  This is well past the age of mean, you're a great, big grown up now.  Grown ups are older than children, so grown ups have to take care of themselves.  When a mommy's kids are all grown up, she doesn't have to do things for them anymore.  She's free to live her own life and work or play or travel or just have fun.

What's that you say?  But your mommy LETS you live with her?  Okay, I can see the source of your confusion.  I mean, I can see how your big, grown up brain did an oopsie.  Obviously, your mommy is letting you act like a little boy, even though you're 29 years old.  You thought that if she lets you act like a little boy by letting you live with her, that you could act like a little boy and not take care of your own clothes.

Here's what I don't understand, Psycho loser.  If you like being a little boy so much, why are you carrying a gun?  Little boys aren't allowed to carry guns.  It's the rules.  Either you need to give up the gun, or you need to iron your own shirts.  You don't get to be a great, big baby AND pack heat.  Don't argue. You just don't.

One more thing.  "Woman's work" is a term for all the things men do that we women also do every day, only twice as well as men and for a fraction of the praise.  And we do it how, when, and IF we want to.  So, keep your gun to yourself, man up, and enjoy ironing clothes in the prison laundry.


Brielle said...

lol that is great. I hope he gets to read this someday.... preferably from a mental institution. Then again I don't like the idea of someone like him having access to the internet.