The Mother Load

The first thing I saw when checking out today's Stupid Product, The Fetus Cookie Cutter, was ad copy bearing the words, "Looking for a cookie cutter in the shape of a fetus?"  Everything I need to know about the people involved in the sale of this product is contained in those few words. There's a note of expectancy, a hint of assumption in those words.  We know there are people out there scouring the web for a way to consume fetus shaped cookies.  Let's bring joy to their lives!  Let's tell them their search is officially OVER!  Let the fetus eating BEGIN!

WHO (other than cute, curly haired bloggers who lampoon Stupid Products every week) looks for cookie cutters in the shape of a fetus?  I have many cookie cutters in my house, mostly of the Christmas variety, which I use to punch out biscuits (I'm not a big sugar cookie fan).  I am currently looking for a heart shaped cookie cutter for Valentine's Day, a star or flag shaped cookie cutter for Independence Day, and I would absolutely love a tie shaped cookie cutter for Father's Day (shhhh...don't tell Richard).  But I have never and will never be looking for a fetus shaped cookie cutter.

This is because I'm sane.  Okay, I'm marginally sane, but I'm sane enough to know that eating fetuses is frowned upon in most civilized societies.  I'm pretty sure I learned this in school the day they taught us to also not eat bugs, paste, dirt, or chalkboard dust. I can only deduce from this knowledge that eating a cookie in the shape of a fetus is bad and wrong and bluchy.

This product reminds me of the chocolate babies I reviewed back in February.  I can only imagine this cookie cutter is meant to make delicious cookies to serve at a baby shower.  Strangely enough, I feel the same way about fetus cookies as I did about Chocolate Babies back then.  No mom-to-be in her right mind is going to want to ingest something that looks like the fetus she's carrying in her womb.  Giving a fetus cookie to a pregnant woman is like saying, "You're planning to eat your young, right?  Here!  Let's practice!"

Maybe you think there's nothing wrong with this product.  I'd like to say that you're entitled to your preference, but really, I just think you're bluchy.  But lucky for you, according to the website, you fetus eaters can get your fetus cookie cutter for 5% off in honor of Cookie Monster's birthday.  This announcement is followed by the words "NOMNOMNOM!" which scroll happily across the page directly above a representation of a human fetus, and a little bit of my soul dies in the process.

I think I'll go eat some chalkboard dust and ponder on the end of humanity as we know it.