Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Stupid Product: The GoateeSaver

With Father's Day less than a month away, you may be wondering what to get the men in your life. Stop searching, shoppers! I have found a product that screams, "Dad, I don't think you're smart enough to shave anymore. Here, try this." He's going to be so HAPPY!

Take a look.

Now, I've never had to shave my face, so I can't say that I know how difficult it is to create facial hair fashion. Maybe men everywhere are throwing their razors down in exasperation and shouting, "If only there were a better way!" (If there are men out there saying this, I'd sure like to hear from you.)

I have a few questions for the makers of the GoateeSaver.

1. Do you really think a goatee, which is the facial hair configuration of choice for nearly half the men in America right now, can be considered a "declaration of individuality?" Really?

2. If there is a mouthpiece to secure, why does your goatee model have to hold the GoateeSaver with his free hand while he shaves? Wouldn't a hands free design be more convenient and effective? Does the mouthpiece only serve as some kind of torture device?

3. You do realize that "Heather" makes a weird face right after saying that the GoateeSaver creates a "fantastic look," don't you? If you're going to have a hot chick in your commercial whose sole purpose is to look adoringly at a goatee, you might want to choose one who isn't squicked out by them. Just saying...

4. Is it really that hard for men to shave around the hair they don't want to shave, or did you create this product in the hopes that men would suddenly THINK it's hard to shave around the hair they don't want to shave? (Is it working?)

5. Commenters on YouTube say the same result could be achieved by shaving with a plastic drinking glass placed over the goatee. What say you?

6. Do you ever start to think about what a weird word "goatee" is after you've written it too many times? Yeah, me too.

7. Any plans in the works to invent a "BikiniLineSaver?" (No, I'm not going to ask if it will have a mouthpiece, you pervert.)

(Thanks to Laurie T. of Sacramento, CA, for today's Stupid Product idea!)


Bill Ennis said...

1. YES.
2. Mouthpiece is a guide, but skin moves around. Placing his free hand on the guide also helps his brain calculate the position of the other hand, with the trimmer or razor, in 3D space.
3. Heather is not as hot as my wife, who would never make a face like that on camera. "My mom's name is Chubby, my dad's name is Chubby....
4.It is that hard. Try it sometime. Whiskers are tougher than leg hair.
5.I guess so, but it wouldn't look as cool as the GS, and you'd have to suck it on so hard your goat would be purple from the hickey beneath it.
6.I live it so I don't have to write it.
7.Already invented, but not going into mass production. No white paper available for more information.
8. This product ROCKS!
9. Check this one out: "Because your melon should be cut by a Hyundai!"

Sarah Clark said...

Well, Bill...I'm glad you like it. And since your wife wants to buy nearly every Stupid Product I've ever posted, I think you can expect one for Christmas!