The Mother Load

Today's Outrageous News story hit the press last week and hit my consciousness today via Mahalo.com, where I work as a newly promoted Senior Guide. (It's a writing gig, and I was promoted.  Also, I got a promotion.  Feel free to congratulate and send gifts. I may not stop mentioning my promotion at Mahalo.com until someone does. Fair warning.)

So, we all know weddings can be expensive, and most of us don't know just how expensive they can be until we actually try to pay for one.  For some folks who dream of a lavish ceremony and reception, reality sets in all too quickly.  The Vera Wang original is marked off the list in favor of an off the rack number at David's Bridal, the pricy photographer is replaced by Uncle Carl and his point and shoot, and the open bar morphs into BYOB, hastily and angrily scrawled across the invitations. 

It seems one modern bride didn't want to compromise, so she did what any girl in her situation would have done. Jessica Vega pretended to have leukemia to get the wedding of her dreams. With a forged doctor's note in one hand and the local press in the other, Vega peddled her sob story, telling everyone who would listen that she was terminally ill and a fan of off the shoulder gowns.

People, being the kind, generous souls that they are, stepped up to give the dying woman the wedding of a lifetime, thinking she only had months to live.  As those months passed without any symptoms or medical treatment, hubby, Michael O'Connell, became suspicious. When he called the medical clinic she claimed sent her the note diagnosing her condition, he learned she'd never been seen there.  I believe this is one of those times the kids would say, "Oh, snap."

Actually, the more appropriate phrase would be, "Oh, slap," since the news story linked above also mentions that when the couple got into a fight over the matter, O'Connell admits he "...slapped the fire out of her."  Aha.  Because nothing makes a judge more willing to give you custody of your child than recent domestic violence charges.

Oh, did I not mention they have a child?  Well, they do.  I'm very sorry to hear that.

Vega is standing by her story, saying she's definitely had leukemia all along and is now feeling much better and managing the disease with water, diet, and exercise.  Mmm hmmm.  I should tell my dear friend's husband that all his silly treatments in the hospital right now are total overkill.  Who needs chemo? I should just bring him a salad and make him go hiking with me.

I suppose time will tell if Jessica is really sick or not.  In the meantime, there are quite a few people more than a bit upset that they sent this couple on an all expenses paid trip to Aruba for their honeymoon.  Who knows?  Maybe she went into remission while she was there.

Maybe Michael slapped the leukemia out of her.