Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I found today's Stupid Product late on day one of my trip to Texas over the holidays. We were in New Mexico and stopped at a gas station to look at a map and make sure we were still on the right road. (We were.) It was at this stop that I discovered this little bit of awesomeness and vowed to find the same in my own state.
Surely, this is a gas station of wonders! I thought to myself...in a British accent...because, why not? I set out to find more wonders like this, and alas, I was confronted with today's Stupid Product. I tried to exclaim, "What the snot?" in a British accent, but I'm fairly sure people in England don't have things like snot, and if they do, they don't talk about it.
Ladies and gentlemen of the unsuspecting public, I give you the Flair Hair Bandana. (Not give as in gift. That would be unwise. I like having you as readers. Give as in present for your appraisal and subsequent ridicule.)
See...it's a headband, and attached to it is a shaggy mop of fake hair. I see no "flair" at this point, unless they're referring to the fact that the "hair" stands up if you fluff it. Basically, it's a very ugly, very cheap toupee paired with a headband to complete your monster truck rally ensemble.
Bald men, I know you feel self conscious about the fact that the hair that used to be on top of your heads has migrated to your nose and ears, never to return. I get it. It's not fun being bald, and you don't have the money Hollywood celebrities do to cultivate a semi-normal looking replacement head of hair. But really? This is not the answer.
If you think being bald makes you look less attractive, please know, from a woman's perspective, this product will make you look worse. Not only will I know unequivocally that you are, in fact, bald, but I will know that you are sad, pitiful, desperate, and bald. Don't be that man. Please, don't be that man.
Rather than cover your baldness with a product that looks like a dead, waterlogged mammal of some sort, why not embrace your baldness? Bald is beautiful, men! Don't believe me? Attend any Bruce Willis movie with me and see how the women in the audience react. Not a single hair on his head.
If you need further reassurance, watch this video. If you watch it and still think you need a Flair Hair Bandana, well, I'll try not to laugh at you when I see it on your head. (Note: I said try. I offer no guarantees that I will succeed.)
Labels: Stupid Products