The Mother Load

Is your lunch boring? You must be eating hot dogs! Do you know how to make hot dogs less boring? Replace them with actual food!

What? There's a new product that allows you to have "fun" with hot dogs and avoid eating anything with nutrients? I must see this amazing invention!



Aha. Ahahaha...ohohoho...ahem. Pardon me.

I have a few problems with this contraption?  Would you like to hear them?  I knew you would. 

* The meat. Making a hot dog look like a person does not change the fact that it's a hot dog. It's as American as cancer and obesity.

*  Cannibalism.  I'm not keen to start my kids on the path.  I just don't think I could look down into that punched out face and say, "Sorry, happy little processed meat man. My children are going to eat your flesh now."  Hmmm...maybe if we served him with fava beans and a nice chianti?  No, still not okay.

*  The product.  Okay, I guess that goes without saying, considering this is a Stupid Product post.  But seriously, you couldn't do that yourself with a knife?  You need a piece of plastic to make a little man out of your hot dog?  I know there are artistically challenged people out there who crave any little helpful product to help them in their creative endeavors.  I'm one of those people.  However, I refer you to my first point.

* The special offer.  WHY would anyone need FOUR of these things?  I don't even need one of them.  What in the world would I do with four?  I mean, I know I have five kids, but this product takes exactly 1.5 seconds to use.  I'm not that pressed for time.  If I wanted to use it (which...no), I could certainly manage to manify 5 hot dogs with one Happy Hot Dog Man.  At least the Hug E Gram gives you an ugly bouquet of wooden roses for your trouble.

*  The gifts.  When I want my mustard to come out of a monster's head like a steady stream of yellow snot, I'll let you know.  Until then, yuck.  And ew.  And don't.

*  "Make your dinner a wiener."  You. Did. Not.

If you think this should have made awesome product status, then please, for the love of blog, don't invite me over to eat.  I'm too obnoxious for your kitchen.  I promise you that.  If you're with me on this one, you have a standing invitation for some soy burgers and brown rice at my house.

If you want me to make your burger look happy, I'll see if we have some fava beans.

(Thanks to Corey O of Payson,, UT, for the heads up on today's stupid product.  Corey is allowed over at my house for soy burgers any time she wants!)