The Mother Load

Tooth pain.  It's stupid. It's a special kind of stupid hell. It's a stupid torture I've known off and on for a stupid long time.

As a student of science, I understand on a rational level that the excruciating pain of a toothache is an evolutionary adaptation that forces us to get help and take better care of our teeth and yada yada yada. This helps us avoid the early, gum disease related heart attacks that took many an ancient human and blah de blah, isn't it great we live today? Yeah, the rational me is super smart.  Who the heck cares? The emotional me frickin' hates tooth pain and doesn't give a flying caveman what the pain means.

I gave birth to five kids without pain medication. I would do it 50 more times rather than deal with tooth pain.  I had my gall bladder out and suffered painful complications which kept me in the hospital for five ugly days (for outpatient surgery). It was better than tooth pain.

I have the pain tolerance of a thick-skinned rhino being stung by a bee, but when my teeth hurt, you'll find me rolling around on my bed, crying for my mommy.  And I have a mommy who dealt with our childhood injuries by saying, "Are you bleeding? You'll live." Doesn't matter. In the delirium of tooth pain, my memory of my mommy becomes all softness and sympathy, and I WANT HER!

It's possible (not really) that I'm elevating tooth pain to a higher than deserved level (nuh uh) simply because it's the most recent pain I've experienced (you MUST be joking). Even if that's the case (it's really not), pain is painful, so products that reduce or eliminate pain? They get the awesome label of awesomeness. Because not being in pain is awesome.

I learned about today's Awesome Product, the Red Cross Toothache Kit a few days after I had my wisdom teeth out when I briefly worried I might have developed dry socket. Knowing that dry socket is a pain like no other, I hurried to the interwebs to find a pain solution and found this kit. Fortunately for me (and people in my city...because someone would have died), my problem is not dry socket. My missing wisdom tooth has left the root of an adjacent molar exposed, so my pain is not constant and my gums will heal in time.

But it is pain...tooth pain...so, you know...several times a day, I want to slam my head in a door to take my mind off of it.

Luckily, thankfully, oh-my-gosh-this-could-have-been-so-much-worsefully, the Red Cross Toothache Kit keeps me from having to do that.

The kit (which includes a disclaimer that it has no affiliation with the American Red Cross...weird) consists of a small box of tiny cotton pellets, a pair of itty bitty tweezers, and a teeny weeny bottle of clove oil (mixed with sesame oil as a carrier oil).  I mention the size of its contents not to disparage the product. A ridiculously small amount goes a long way. I just want you to know it's cute. Cute can be a surprisingly effective distraction from pain. When cute works this well, you begin to consider it one of your babies. (The cutest one.)

I found my kit at my local Walgreens where, strangely, the corners are Antelope and University, not Happy and Healthy.  I paid roughly $8 for it. Your price may vary depending on where you live. For me, $8 might as well have been $8,000. It's worth even more than that.

This stuff WORKS. I've never had anything work this well on tooth pain before. If I'd known about this before, the past energy of the universe would have been much more peaceful (and would have contained far fewer swear words). As I type this, pain free, I'm just grateful I know about it now.

A few tips and cautions: While the cotton pellet was useful the first time I used the oil, I found that a Q-tip is a little easier to work with. With a Q-tip, I can direct the oil more precisely and hold it there for the one minute the product suggests. Be aware that the oil does burn a bit at first, and it doesn't have the most pleasant taste or smell. (It's not so much a bad taste as it is a very strong one).

You'll want to avoid swallowing while you're placing the oil, and you're going to spit once your minute is up...a lot. When you think you're done spitting and you start to walk away from your sink, you will probably turn around and spit some more.  I promise you, you'll agree that all of this is well worth it once the pain relief kicks in within a few minutes. When you realize it lasts for hours, you're going to spit again and praise the burn just to pay homage to the wonder that is clove oil.

If you are one of the unfortunate people in the world who does develop dry socket after a tooth extraction, I hear that the pellets are very well suited for packing the tooth socket and relieving pain while it heals. I'm no dentist (as if I could be that evil), so I would recommend a dentist visit for any tooth pain. However, while you wait for that visit, this product is a life saver. And by life saver, I mean many people you might have strangled in your pain induced rage fest will be spared if you use this.

Tooth pain is stupid, but the Red Cross Toothache Kit is a smart solution to a stupid problem. Buy one even if your teeth aren't hurting. Someday, they will hurt, or someone in your family will experience tooth pain. You might as well have this on hand to ease the pain that much more quickly.

When your family asks you what beautiful, intelligent, fantastically wonderful person told you about this amazing product, I know you'll do the right thing and mention my name.

(If you don't, I'll probably punch you in the teeth.)

So, today's Awesome Product is not a product in the traditional sense, and you can't even purchase it for another year.  You'll find this is a good thing, though.  Music, Arts, and Technology Camp is located in Wyoming, and you are probably not, so you'll need a year to get your ducks in a row and plan the trip.

I know you probably have a lot of questions, not the least of which is "Why would I want to go to Wyoming?"  I'll write this post as a series of FAQs and will hope I hit all of your potential queries.  If I don't, well, refer to the paragraph above for an idea of how much time you have to get all your questions answered.

Q.  Why would I want to go to Wyoming?
A.  Excellent question and one I asked myself the first time Richard proposed we pack up and head to cow country.  It is a little known fact that in Wyoming, everyone smiles.  All the time.  No matter what.  And they give you dollar bills just for coming to a complete stop at an intersection.  And there are jugglers performing on most city sidewalks and cobbler is served for breakfast every day.

(Did I overshoot it?)

Okay. I don't know anything about Wyoming as a whole, but what I can say about the little city of Evanston is that it's small enough for a week of peaceful relaxation but large enough that you can manage with most of the usual comforts of your bigger city life.  The air is fresh, the nights are quiet, and the sky is full of stars...but there's WiFi at the McDonald's and vegetarian food at Subway.  There's not much more I need.  You?

Q.  So, what is MAT Camp?
A.  Stealing from the website: "Students of all ages enjoy 5 days of arts related classes including music, art, dance, and theater."  MAT Camp is held from 8-5 in the local middle school building, and there are concerts and activities scheduled most evenings.  Friday affords students and teachers the opportunity to show off what they've learned in a series of concerts and exhibits.

The concerts are a really great time to take pictures to commemorate how awesome your spouse is.



But you might want to entrust your camera to someone who knows how to use it when you're the one on stage singing.



Q.  Do I have to play a musical instrument to go to MAT Camp?
A.  Nope!  I've been known to play a piano or two in my time, but I have no interest in taking classes from people who really know how to play and would expect me to play correctly.  For me, MAT Camp was all about singing.  For my 6 year old, it was all about art.  Cate chose only one class with her clarinet this year and spent the rest of her time studying acrobatics, stage management, lighting, and Flash Mob technique.  Anyone with any interest in the arts can have a full schedule of classes with or without any major musical background.

I thought about trying a dance class next time...until I saw Miriam execute this move on stage...



Yeah, I think I'll leave it to her.

Next time, though, I'll get over myself and be in the flash mob.



We'll see if Wal Mart lets us back in.

Q.  Isn't MAT Camp just for kids?
A. Not at all.  Adults are welcome in most classes.  According to the website, students ages 2-102 are welcome to enroll.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say they won't actually turn away anyone over 102, so get Great Grandma Juniper's bags packed and sign her up for Stage Combat class.  It'll keep her limber. She'll thank you for it!



Q.  Just how professional are those teachers?
A.  The MAT Camp teachers are so professional, they get paid to teach! But seriously, folks, these are incredibly talented people who intimidated the snot out of me on day one and had me doing things I never thought I'd be capable of by day 5.

Case in point: Vocal Jazz.  I don't like to sing on stage by myself.  Ever.  And by the end of the week, my teacher, Mr. Mike "I Play the Saxophone Like a Madman Because I'm Awesome Like That" Giles not only had me on a stage, singing alone, but singing scat and improv (YouTube video to follow).  The following picture sums up my feelings on the matter.



The teachers are pretty good with the visual aids, too.  My Chamber Choir teacher taught us to sing from our foreheads instead of our mouths in order to get the best quality tone and allow our voices to carry.



Okay, so maybe this illustration traumatized half the students in the choir.  The concept was sound.

Q. How much does it cost?
A.  Up to 4 classes a day: $75; 5 or more classes a day: $150.  There are opportunities for work study, financial aid, and scholarships, so your camp fee can be significantly cheaper than that.  For instance, I attended all of my classes this year for free AND we got a small break on the kids' tuition because I taught a class on blogging.  Thank you, my need to make everyone in the world read everything I write.  

Q.  What if I have other plans that week?
A. Change them.  Unless your plans include an extensive hospital stay for a heart transplant, and even then, I think you could work around it, you should make MAT Camp a priority.  It's that good.  Besides, I'm sure the Evanston Fire Department has defibrillators.

Q.  Will you be there next year?  I've always wanted to hang out with you.
A.  Heck, yeah!  If you come to MAT Camp, I will personally hang out with you between classes every day of the week.  If they do a flash mob, I will request to be in your group and will sing and dance by your side...unless you sing better than I do, in which case I will sing a few people away in order to appear more talented than I am.  Basically, if you come to MAT Camp, I'll be your best friend.  With sugar on top.  And then we'll go on a nice walk to work it off.

Don't believe me?  Check out this year's Sarah Clark BFF:



That could totally be you.

Q. How will I remember to register when camp is a whole year away?
A.  Oh, you know I'm going to repost this sucker when registration time rolls around.  Your job now is to save your pennies and your vacation time.  Leave the reminding to me.

Q.  Did you miss me while you were at camp and I wasn't there?
A. Terribly.  I don't know how you could have done that to me.  It was really hard to be there without you, and I feel the only way you can make it right is to come next year.  So do it.

Q.  Are you just going to keep writing FAQs until I agree to come?
A.  You know me so well...

 I've had this Awesome Product in my blog waiting list for a while now. By a while, I mean...well, just see for yourself.



Yep, that's a Christmas tree and a non-refinished dining room floor. Why have I waited this long to tell you about the Boa Bottle Monkey? Well, because I've been busy. There was Christmas...and then I refinished the dining room floor.

My failure to post this should not be misconstrued as reluctance. I LOVE this product. We don't drink a lot of soda in our house, but the times when we do, we use this product to great results.

The commercial below will give you a better idea of how this Awesome Product works. Unfortunately, it starts with the typical, As Seen on TV situation in which the spokesperson can't do someone most people can. Don't let that turn you off from the product. I know you're not usually grabbing your soda bottles from the middle and spilling them all over the table because you're reading this. Reading this shows me you know how to read, and people who know how to read are smart enough not to do that.

That said, there are still problems inherent in serving soda from a bottle, like the "glugging" that can cause spills even if you are smart enough to read or the lack of a handle, making pouring unnecessarily squirrelly. As you'll see below, the Boa Bottle Monkey fixes those problems nicely.



While I don't love the image of a little girl having ready and easy access to a caffeine filled, sugary soda, for those occasional times you want to let your kids drink soda, the Boa Bottle Monkey does, indeed, help kids pour their own drinks with less fuss and mess. That frees you up at the grill or the cake or the game of pin the tail on the donkey.

We got our Bottle Monkey for about three bucks at a local grocery store. You can find them online for about the same price. I suggest buying more than one, since most parties will have an array of different bottled drinks available for guests.

I'd like all of you to know that I did NOT have an aneurysm last night at Comedy Sportz.  It was touch and go for awhile there, but I pulled through.  Had I died of a massive hemorrhage in my brain, I can assure you, it would have been okay with me.  As someone who loves to laugh, dying laughing is probably the best way to go, and when you attend a show at Comedy Sportz, the risk of laughter induced death is well worth the experience.  

Comedy Sportz is a franchise of improv comedy clubs with locations across the country.  Teams of actors and comedians compete for points, a referee calls fouls and imposes punishments (like placing a brown paper bag over the head of any player or audience member who says something too risque for children's ears), and audience members participate by shouting out ideas, a la, "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

Here's a sample of what you might see at a Comedy Sportz club:





The performance this week marked the second time Richard and I attended a show at the Comedy Sportz location in Provo, UT, but it was a first for the kids.  We'd scoped the place out on our anniversary last year to make sure its claims of clean comedy were true.  An hour and a half of side splitting but family friendly humor later, we were determined to come back with the kids another time.

Now, I initially wondered if the family friendly thing was exclusive to the Provo club, because, well, it's Provo.  For readers who are not Mormon, Provo is THE most Mormon place in all of Mormondom.  There are certainly unMormon things that go on there, but the Mormons who live there don't know it because they're very busy being Mormons.   

A check of the Comedy Sportz website tells me that clean comedy is not isolated to "Happy Valley" Utah.  It's a commitment from the company.  As a mom, I consider that supremely cool.  I don't believe that every comedy club has to offer comedy that can be enjoyed by adults and kids alike, but I'm very glad that this one does.

For instance, at last night's show, we giggled as a man donned a wig and a skirt and announced himself to be "Lashondra," and talked about his/her husband, Frank.

"You know how sometimes you're just not in the mood...to...(exaggerated look of realization and alarm at my kids in the front row)...to, you know, when mommies and daddies sit down and write a letter to the stork.  And I say, Frank, I don't want to write a letter right now.  And Frank says, 'But I have a pencil...'"

This was the point in the show that I started to suspect I might pass out from laughing so hard.  When another player stepped forward and said, "Okay, just so the kids don't get confused, this is how it works..." and the referee practically tackled him back into place, I was sure of it.

Comedy Sportz locations don't just offer shows.  The actors can be hired to perform at events and parties, and most locations also offer workshops and classes on comedy and improv performance.  The next class series in Provo begins in May.  Someone let Richard know I want him to sign us up as an anniversary present. 

I'll act surprised.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't know what she doesn't know.  I've never met a project I didn't think I could do from the outset.  I've never met a skill I wasn't willing to at least try to learn.  My mindset is 3 parts stubborn gumption, 2 parts intelligence, and 1 part delusion.  Add a dash of "I may not know, but I can find someone to teach me," and you have the makings of any do-it-yourself project.

It's a testament to my sister in law, Barbara, that she was willing to believe in me.  See, Barbara owns the house we rent, and it was Barbara who wanted to rip up the 30 year old carpets in the front room and dining room and replace them with something else.  The something else she had in mind will not be named.  I will just assure you that, while it was an option that would have worked, it was not the beautiful hardwood that was hiding under the 30 year old carpets.

Finding my voice (read: speaking up after Richard said, "Hey Sarah...didn't you want to talk to Barbara about something" in her presence), I proposed to her that the floors visible under the worn spots in the carpet appeared to be hardwood, and that if she would allow me, I would be more than willing to rip out the carpets and refinish the wood myself.  With my trademark confidence, I said, "I don't know how to refinish a wood floor, but I know I can learn and work."

And so began the latest of my, "I'm sure I could do that.  How hard could it be?" projects.  I won't bore you with every last detail (but you know I'd like to).  What I will present here, instead, will be a mix of What I Learned Today, Stupid Products, Awesome Products, and The Mother Unload.

What I learned while refinishing my dining room floor:



I learned that ripping up carpets is messy, messy work.  I also learned that ripping up carpets is the most fun I've had since I was a teenager and the landlords let me help rip up the laminate wood floor.  Apparently, I like to rip things up.  I may be in the wrong profession.



If it involves destruction, your kids will help.  A lot.



I learned that THIS is why it pays to live in a hundred year old house.



I learned that this sander...



Is much more user friendly than this one.



I learned that kids' enthusiasm for home remodeling does not end with the destructive part of the job.



And neither does a husband's.



I learned that staining a floor this big...



Is a two person job.



Even when the second person is this guy.



I learned that when you get to the polyurethane step, it's smooth sailing to the end.



And the end is very much worth the work.



Very, very much worth it.

Stupid Product:

I only have one Stupid Product to profile from this floor project because I had success with most of the equipment and products I used.  The Silver-Line SL-8 drum sander, however, was not so kind to me.



Now, if you're going to strip a hardwood floor with a sander, you're going to need a heavy duty drum or belt sander like the one above if you don't want to take all day to do it.  The SL-8, however, presents a few problems for a novice and even a veteran floor refinisher.

1.  The method of attaching the sandpaper to the drum was dreamed up in the depths of hell.  It requires the user to shove the ends of a sandpaper strip into a narrow opening in the drum, getting the paper as snug to the drum as possible, and then tightening a couple of bolts which are supposed to draw the paper in even further, ensuring a tight fit.  This does not work, it does not happen, and 5 times out of seven, the paper ripped off the drum within a couple of minutes.  The two times I got it to work, I could not determine what I had done right.

2.  The sander is very heavy and requires that you pull up on the handles as you pull the sander backward in order for it to actually sand the floor.  This is hard.  It hurts.  It hurts more than it needs to.  I'm not anti-pain.  I'm just anti-pain when another sander wouldn't hurt so much.

3.  Because the drum is always in contact with the floor, it digs into the floor whenever you stop to move forward again.  I'm not saying I stopped and left it running for 30 seconds.  The sander dug small grooves into the floor in the half second it took for me to change direction from back to forward.  All I was able to do with the sander was the first, diagonal pass.  Had I been able to complete a pass on the grain, it might have fixed that problem (though, it would likely have caused it again in other areas of the floor).  See #1 for the reason I was not able to complete a horizontal pass with the sander.  So, though my floor looks lovely now, there are marks here and there where the drum sander scarred the floor.  I'm sad about that.

4.  There are better drum sanders available.  A trip to Home Depot for a certain type of sandpaper allowed me to see the other types of drum sanders available.  If (WHEN!) I rip out the front room carpets and refinish that floor, I will be renting the Clarke-American EZ 8 drum sander to do the initial work.  I nearly cried when the guys at Home Depot showed me how easily the sandpaper can be applied.  To their credit, they waited until after I left to comment on the crazy sander lady.

Awesome Products:

1. YouTube.  People, you can learn anything on YouTube.  There are contractors out there giving away their tips and tricks for free, and I would never have gotten through this product without their advice and demonstrations.  Every step in this remodel was preceded by at least an hour of YouTube time as I noted how the professionals get the job done.

2.  The DascoPro 7 1/2" Ultra Bar II.  Say that 3 times fast!  This little tool is cheap, easy to use, and powerfully effective against nails, carpet tacks, and staples. It was, hands down, the best purchase I made throughout this project.  I love it.  I might marry it.

3. The Silver-Line 1218R Orbital Polisher was a lifesaver for me after my trouble with the drum sander.  While it is not the type of sander that will strip a floor, it did go a long way in smoothing out the problem areas made by the other sander and by the edger, which I had to use to finish stripping the floor.  This sander is extremely easy to use and did a fine job of getting the floor ready for staining.  This is also the sander I used to sand each coat of polyurethane before putting on the next coat.  (There is nothing more painful than intentionally scuffing up a beautifully coated floor.  Go ahead and cry when you have to do it.  Just know that it will be okay.)

4.  Finish Factor Tack Cloth. When you're working on a floor, you're going to kick up a whole lot of dust.  A shop-vac will go a long way in getting most of the sawdust up before you stain or coat your floor, but it won't get everything.  Tack cloth is absolutely essential to get up the remaining bits of dust. You will be amazed at how much is still on the floor.  I recommend you buy more than you think you need, especially if you're working on a larger room.

5.  Lowe's and Home Depot. Think what you want about "big box" hardware stores.  I found the staff at both to be extremely knowledgeable and helpful as I completed my project.  They didn't just help me find what I needed.  They explained how it worked, how to use it, what to do if I had trouble, etc.  One Lowe's employee walked to several different parts of the store with us to brainstorm how to repair one area of the floor that had obviously been damaged for decades.  Knowing I didn't have the skills to rip out and replace that section of floor, he helped me decide how best to repair it.  His suggestions were helpful and clear, and while that section of floor will never look as good as the rest, it is now in much better shape than it was and is protected from further damage.

The Mother Unload: Losing weight the remodeling way!

I did not do any real cardio workouts the entire time I was working with the floor sanders and stain.  I didn't need to.  If you want to lose a few pounds and build up some muscle and flexibility, REFINISH A FLOOR.  Holy-purple-pumpkin-moly, my legs, arms, and abs were sore.  Sore and loving it. There were muscles I had forgotten I had that screamed at me at the end of each day, but the screaming was much more "WOOOOOHOOOOO!" than "YEEEOOOOOUCH!"  Well, hello again, muscles.  Nice to see you!

You know that thing your kid does?  That thing that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever?  That thing that YOU certainly never did when YOU were a kid?  Ever wish you could find a way to laugh at it?  Parents, you're in luck! Today's Awesome Product, The KidDictionary, will not only give you the means to laugh (hysterically) at the strange and sometimes irritating foibles of your children, it will also give you the words to describe them.

You can see what I'm talking about below.



People, I am buying both versions of this book, and author and self described "lexiconnoisseur," Eric Ruhalter, doesn't even have to be my best friend. All he had to do was make me laugh with his made up words. And oh, did he make me laugh.  (Seriously...you make up a word as delectable as lexiconnoisseur, and I will be YOUR best friend.)

A few other gems from the book:

• UPPTITUDE (UPP tih-tewd)  n : The intense desire to be the one who presses the button in an elevator. 
• DOMESTIC VIOLATION (doh-MESS-tik  VY-o-lay-shun) v :The potentially lethal mistake of referring to a stay-at-home mom as someone who “does not work.” 
• DETASTE  (dee-TAYST)  v :  To harbor a deep hatred and disgust for a food you have never tried. 
• TOYPHOON (toy-FOON) n : Routine recreational activities of children that leave their playroom looking like it was decimated by a hurricane. 
• GARBOFLAGE  (GAHR-boh-flaj) v : To hide a piece of your child’s artwork under other trash in the wastebasket so they don’t catch you throwing it away. 
• WISHJACK  (WISH-jak) v:  To blow out the candles on another child's birthday cake

Today's Awesome Product is a little bit of a departure for me because it's not something I think you have to go out and buy right now...or ever.  It's a movie, a first for this feature of The Mother Load, but that makes it no less awesome, at least in my mind.  (And you're here because of my mind, right?)

I think Monday had something to do with all of this.  That was the day I learned a certain state senator who will not be named in this post called the degree I'm pursuing a degree to nowhere. Yes, I'm still going on about that. Being a psych major does not necessarily make me adept at getting over things...it just gives me license to tell other people to get over things. This is the way of the world. Get over it. (You see?)

So, still smarting a bit over the uninformed words of the senator about what I want to do in life, I strapped my laptop to my treadmill (yes, I'm still doing that) and watched a movie about what I want to do in life while I worked out.

You want to coach football to teenage criminals and call yourself The Rock?

Well, okay. The movie isn't exactly what I want to do, but it's close.  With 6 years of experience working with kids just like the ones in this movie, kids affected by abuse, gangs, drugs, poverty, and other ills many in society want to pretend don't exist, I'm back in school for one reason: to better help them.

 The distinguished gentleman from Draper, UT, has said I'm earning a degree to nowhere, and you know...maybe he's more right than he realizes.  The kids I aim to help are on a path to nowhere, and maybe I have to head down that path in order to meet them where they are and help them turn around and find the right way.

 "Gridiron Gang" is formulaic and a little schmaltzy at times.  That's okay.  It's also pretty real.  Having worked with teens in various lockdown programs, I can say the movie gets it right, from the battlefield of the streets they come from to the obstacles facing staff to the triumphs that can and do happen every day.

A note of caution: The language in the movie is pretty realistic, so don't go in to the experience expecting a Disney family feature.  Had the director really portrayed how these kids talk when they're angry, the movie wouldn't have made it past the MPAA without an R rating.  So, it's not as bad is it very well could be, but the things the actors in the movie say will likely offend sensitive ears.  See it anyway.

At the end of this year, I will walk across a stage, having earned my degree to nowhere.  With any luck, there will be some honors to nowhere with it too.  Whether or not a certain senator thinks that effort was worthwhile, I will make it worthwhile by making a difference in the lives of kids.

When those kids go on to be productive members of society instead of drains on the state and budget shortfalls that affect the senator's preferred job training programs become a thing of the past, he and I can sit down and work out suitable public apology.

(Author's note: I have a very part time job that occasionally requires a few more than part time hours, which is to say that it occasionally takes over my life for a week.  Add to that my actual full time job, a family, and school, and it's Saturday before I'm saying, "BLOG! I HAVE A BLOG!"  So, here you go.  This is what I can pump out in the 15 minutes I have before I start editing Mahalo pages again. You'll see more of me next week...I hope...ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!)

 What I learned today:

 


I learned that when it comes to decorating Richard's car for Valentine's Day, this is all I have in me.



I learned what happens to Cate's hair when she bathes before bed.



I learned that musical birthday candles sound really bad when you don't start them at exactly the same time.  Also, they sound really bad when you do.



I learned that Jr. high classes are not what I remember.



But that the band would like me to join.



And I learned that if they have a problem with the boxing up of people at the Jr. high, I might not want my daughter to go there.

Outrageous News:

My husband turned 34 on Monday, which means we've officially known each other for half our lives.  That's pretty cool, and I feel really old.  A few pictures of my favorite goofball for your viewing pleasure:



Best picture ever.



He's a sucker for kittens.  I'm sucker for guys who are suckers for kittens.



He's like James Bond...if James Bond fought pizza odor with Febreeze.


 






















 Owned and loving it.
























My friend Lis calls this his "Pi-hole" picture.




Juvenile delinquents I used to work with called this his "Gay dancer" picture.




I just call this his "typical Richard" picture



He's so good with the kids...




Is it any wonder I love this guy?



Happy 34th Birthentine's Day Richard. Here's to half a lifetime as friends. I'm looking forward to the rest of it.


You've Gotta See This:

Insert video of Miriam's honor band performance here. Someone who didn't get the time mixed up and didn't walk in just as it was ending, feel free to step right on up. *facepalm* She's said she did a great job...

Stupid Product:

Bank officers at my friend's branch of Chase Bank are poopy poopheads. Chase, you're aptly named, because you chase away your own customers with your ridiculously bad customer service and your nefarious policies. Amy's done with you, and you are dumb with a capital stupid.


Awesome Product:

Red Mango Frozen Yogurt  They have gluten free, all natural, lowfat, enriched with probiotics DARK CHOCOLATE frozen yogurt, and I have a new favorite place for desserts I can actually eat every now and then.  Cold Stone and Baskin Robbins, it's been real.  Put something on your menu that I can feel good about eating and maybe you'll compete.

The Mother Unload:

I did really well.  I've lost ten pounds.  Whole grain pasta is my friend, but only in 1/2 cup servings.  Man, I used to eat too much pasta.  I'd have a 1/2 cup serving as an appetizer to my 2 cup pasta entree followed by a 3/4 cup pasta dessert.  Maybe not that bad...but almost.  (My Italian Grandpa Angelo is thinking, What's wrong with that?)

The Mother Load Column:

Remember when I used to write those every week?  That's funny.

So, there you go.  Only it hasn't been 15 minutes.  It's been 40...and I may or may not have skimped on a couple of those...and I may or may not be worried about what you think of that.

(That's just the lack of sleep talking.  I care!  I care!)

I am extremely proud to present the Mother Load's first Awesome Product of the year: A Year of "Snide Remarks."  Now before you shake your head in puzzlement and say, "I can get that from my kids/coworkers/spouse for free," note the quotation marks.

"Snide Remarks" is the humor column of one of my very favorite writers, one Eric D. Snider.  You may remember Mr. Snider from a post I wrote last year after meeting him at a local Eric D. Snider "Tweet-Up".  He writes movie reviews and other fun, movie related pieces for both Film.com and Cinematical and maintains his own website, where all of his older stuff can be read, and where occasionally, he treats his readers to a funny blog post.

What he doesn't do anymore is write his weekly "Snide Remarks" column, and this, my dear readers, is not okay.  Snide Remarks used to be available to the public each Monday, but circumstances such as rent, food, utilities and other bills no doubt perpetrated by "the Man" have caused Eric to stop writing the column in favor of writing stuff that actually pays him money.  As a freelance writer and editor, I totally understand this mindset.  It's why this blog is updated more often than Sarah...Phenomenally, and why this blog, which brings in less money than my Mahalo and publishing work, sometimes gets set aside in favor of the work that pays more bills.  But this freelancer is also a devoted fan of Mr. Snider's work and wants "Snide Remarks" to be part of her weekly laugh ratio again.

Good news!  Through a site called Kickstarter, Eric has found a way to get "Snide Remarks" back on his site for an entire year.  According to the A Year of "Snide Remarks" Kickstarter page, Eric is willing to write a year's worth of columns if he can raise $5,000 by February 1st.  At this writing, he has raised $3,092 and has 26 days to go, so it's looking pretty good, but it's not fully funded yet.

Readers interested in funding a year of these columns (and if you read even one or two of his past columns, you'll want to help with funding) can go to the Kickstarter site and pledge whatever amount they'd like to get Eric writing "Snide Remarks" again.  Have a dollar left over from your Christmas money from Grandma?  Make a pledge.  Have $20?  Make a pledge.  Have $500? Give Eric some and then send some to me.  (I kid...sort of.)

Here's where it gets really cool.  If you have $100 to pledge, you can become a more special backer of "Snide Remarks".  This amount will give you the right to choose the topic for one of Eric's columns, and an ad of your choice will be run along with the column you support.  Do you think I'm a $100 backer?  Heck, yes, I'm a $100 backer!  Eric's readers (except for the ones who think he can give them the email addresses of actors appearing in the movies he reviews) are intelligent and fun.  Of course, I'd love for some of his readers to become mine (and vice versa, because you guys are pretty darned cool yourselves...it must be said).  If we fund this project, your very own Sarah Clark will have a Mother Load ad running on the column of a writer she wants to grow up to be like.  If you have a blog or a business you'd like to promote, this is a pretty awesome deal.

If you do nothing else, take a look at Eric's site and have some laughs.  If the project gets funded, you'll be able to read his column weekly whether you've helped fund it or not, and you'll laugh every single week.  But if you fund it, you'll get warm fuzzies that will last a year AND laugh every single week.  It's like having a cuddly, cross-eyed cat you can pet and chuckle at without the expense of food or the annoyance of cleaning the litter box.

And seriously...who wouldn't want that?

On Wednesday, when I was forced by my conscience and my full stomach to pronounce the World's Largest Gummy Bear a Stupid Product, I vowed I would be back today to honor the makers of that 5 pound beast with an Awesome Product post. And here it is!

Today's Awesome Product is one of many I found over at the Vat19.com website. I seriously think I could spend the rest of the year drawing Awesome Product posts from the creative products featured on their site. If you have friends or family...or friends AND family (lucky!), you should consider Vat19.com for your gift giving needs this Christmas.

*I am not affiliated with Vat19.com in any way. I have received no money or products from them for saying that. If Vat19.com decided to send me free products because they think I'm awesome and want to reward me for drumming up some business, I would be sure and let you all know. Stand down, FTC. Stand down.*

Okay, here's the product. Feast your eyes on the Awesomeness of the Sandwich Cookie Cake Pan Set. Here's what you can do with it.



It's interesting to me that both my Stupid and Awesome Products this week involve normally small things that have been rendered giant sized by the same people. The difference between the World's Largest Gummy Bear and this product, though, is that cake is supposed to be big, and it's supposed to be shared.

Whereas the 5 pound gummy would make me sick of gummy candy after only a few servings, cake will always just be cake. Mmmmmmm...cake.

What I like most about this product is that, like the Perfect Brownie pan, this is something that allows ME to make an awesome dessert. Give a woman a cake, and she's happy for a day. Give a woman a cake pan set like this, and she's happy for a lifetime...or at least, she's happy on more days. (The Sandwich Cookie Cake Pan Set may not balance out the effects of thoughtless males.)

Today's Awesome Product comes from The Mother Load's newest sponsor, "BOW"dacious Boutique. Federal rules require me to tell you that I've received bows for all three of my daughters as a part of this sponsorship, so here you go: Everyone, I've received three absolutely fabulous bows from Ms. Kellie Burch of "BOW"dacious Boutique, and I couldn't be happier about it!  Aren't you glad the government is protecting you from me? I know I am!

Kellie makes all sorts of cute and "divariffic" bows and hair accessories, but the product I'm most excited about from her line is also the most creative thing I've seen in a long time.  Readers, I give you the "BOW" K.

As I mentioned to my friends and fans (and friendfans) on Facebook, this week's Awesome Product is something I want to give as a gift to everyone in my life (including you!), because this week's product, the Inspiration Bean, is more than just a great idea, a great potted plant, or a great product.  The Inspiration Bean is truly the gift of inspiration.

I met Jonathan Hall, the founder of iBeanInspired, the company that makes the Inspiration Bean, at a fair here in Salt Lake City during the 4th of July festivities earlier this month. By the time I got to the booth where the iBean was on display, I'd seen quite a bit of the same old fair fare.  My children had spent their allowances on trinkets, and I'd seen a thing or two I might want to consider for another time, but nothing had really caught my eye or engaged my mind.  My introduction to the iBean was, therefore, unexpected and wholly delightful.  This was different.  This was more.  This.was.Awesome.

Each Inspiration Bean contains a word which represents the dream or the wish of the one who will plant the bean and watch it grow.  As it grows, the word remains on the plant, and you, as the grower, can watch your desire become more than just a desire, but something real, tangible, and ultimately, inspiring.

Here's a little more information about the iBean and the company.



Whether or not you're a devotee of the Law of Attraction, one thing in life is probably as certain to you as it is to me: we reap what we sow.  In the case of the iBean, when you sow peace, inspiration, love, courage, or health, you quite literally reap the same.  What's amazing is what I know unequivocally to be true: surrounding yourself in your positive intentions WILL make good things happen in your life, whether it's because you have attracted those things to you through your energy or because your shift in energy from negative to positive and hopeful has caused you to take action and make those things come to pass.

However this happens, I believe the iBean is an excellent way to remind ourselves of the power of our hope and belief.  If you take a moment to think, I'm sure you know someone who could use some inspiration today. Maybe it's your cousin or your sister or your best friend.  Maybe, it's you.  The gift of inspiration is available through iBeanInspired.

And I must share that while this is an Awesome Product post, I can't help but think of it as an Awesome Company post.  The people at iBeanInspired aren't in the bean business.  They're in the business of lifting spirits and of reminding people of their long dormant hopes and dreams.  You remember dreams, don't you? Wouldn't you like to have them back?  Wouldn't you like to make them come true?  iBeanInspired wants to help you do that, and, to me, that's the most Awesome part of the Inspiration Bean.

If you're not sold already, I'll tell you that everything they sell is eco-friendly, and 5% of their profits go to helping "keep forests green and water clean."  That's something we can all get behind.

Check out the iBeanInspired website and send the gift of inspiration to someone you love and pray for.  Then buy one for yourself and watch your dream grow.

Yesterday's Stupid Product was a bit too revealing (and by a bit, I mean, "Gaaaaaaah!"), so I've given you the opposite for today's Awesome Product, the Cami Secret, a sweet, new product that helps women cover up (when they want or need to) in style without having to wear an entire camisole.

Just look at it.  It's camazing!  (Did you see...the pun...you know...camisole/amazing...camazing?  Not working for you.  Okay.  Moving on.)


You may laugh at the way this commercial, in typical, As Seen on TV style, shows our protagonist struggling mightily with common things like tank tops and safety pins, but I'm here to tell you that this was me last Christmas. I bought a gorgeous new dress with my birthday money and decided to wear it during the Sunday Christmas program I was directing. I spent one very uncomfortable hour fiddling with the front of my dress in front of the entire congregation.

If there's ever a time you're not interested in showing a bunch of cleavage, the church Christmas program is one of them. Had someone handed me a Cami Secret that day, I would have turned away from the congregation and snapped it to my bra immediately and without apology. (The choir I direct would have been scandalized, but there are fewer of them, and they're extraordinarily nice people, so there you go.)

I've wanted to get on the camisole bandwagon ever since it started, but I haven't had the funds, and I haven't wanted to wear two shirts. The bandwagon started when I lived in St. George, UT, a place where wearing more than one top would lead to almost certain death in any month other than December. (I exaggerate, but not by much.) Even now, in Salt Lake City, where the summers are not nearly as scream inducing, I still don't want to wear an extra shirt if I can help it.

The Cami Secret seems like it would meet all of my needs. And I can't stress this enough, but it's seriously CHEAP! Sure, there are likely some of you out there who could make your own for even less. My hat is off to you. I am not one of you, but I admire you from afar. For the rest of us, Cami Secret is a smoking good deal on a really great product.

And now, my brain is cleansed of the Bikini Pants.  Thanks, Cami Secret!

(Thanks to Olivia, of Eagle Mountain, UT, for the heads up on today's Awesome Product!)

Since I have readers all over the country (and a few in other countries), I usually try to keep my product reviews accessible to a mass audience.  Today, however, I feel the need to hearken back to the Mother Load's Southern Utah roots.

In 2006, I suddenly (and despite ALL of my best efforts) became a single mother of the five children I'd had with my first husband.  As most single moms do, I struggled to find ways to keep up with the demands of work, home, childrearing, and managing a very lean budget.  Lean is putting it nicely.  My friend, Becca, a single mom herself with a bit more to work with, had this to say: "I don't know how you live like that.  Dryer sheets are not luxury items, Sarah!"

One of the greatest challenges facing any single mother is how to keep the children actively involved in activities that are financially out of reach.  Sports teams, lessons, and groups all provide learning and growing opportunities and help kids build confidence and self esteem, both highly important in the wake of a divorce.  I desperately needed a place for my kids to learn and grow, but I had no idea how I would pay for it.

Enter a kind group of neighbors, looking to build their client base at the new karate studio they'd just opened.  They were people I counted as friends.  Learning I had three black belts living feet from my door made me count them as bodyguards.  Having them offer me a drastically discounted rate for my four children to attend karate classes made them my heroes.

One of these friends emailed me last week and shared that he was still in the martial arts business and again looking to grow his client base and take his studio to the next level.  He asked if there was anything a powerful blogger could to do help him out.

Here's what you need to know about me.  Call me a powerful blogger, and I will do ANYTHING for you.  Also, treat me with kindness during one of the toughest trials of my life, and I will spend the next four years looking for a way to make it up to you.  My response was an immediate and enthusiastic, "ABSOLUTELY!"

Mother Load readers, there is nothing in the world more satisfying to me than to tell you today that I think BMAF Martial Arts in Santa Clara, UT, is the most awesome Awesome Product I will review all year.  If you live in the Southern Utah area and you want your kids to learn discipline, respect, confidence, and self defense, this is the studio where they will learn it.

BMAF employs a highly experienced team of instructors who share in the teaching experience and are committed to helping the students they teach become successful.  And you know what?  Even though they probably won't be handing out the deal they gave me all those years ago, BMAF Martial Arts has the lowest prices in the Southern Utah area, making their martial arts training affordable on almost any budget.

The folks at BMAF Martial Arts teach classes for kids ages 3-5, 6-12, 13-17, and 18+.  That's right, moms and dads. You can learn too.  Basic classes start at $40 a month.

The studio is open Monday through Saturday and is located at 2305 Santa Clara Drive Suite F in Santa Clara.  They're located next to the Dominoes (the very Dominoes that saved my life more than a few times with a delivery on a rough day) in the former ATA school location.  For more information, or to sign your karate kid up, call 435-767-1703.

If you live in Southern Utah and have kids, make that call.  If you live in Southern Utah but don't have kids, find someone who has kids and tell them to make the call.  If you don't live in Southern Utah, but you know someone who does, call them and tell them to make the call.  If you don't live in Southern Utah and you don't know a soul there, check out an online phone book and call random numbers and tell them to make the call.

Or...help me return the kindness so generously given to me, and post the link to this Awesome Product review on your Facebook wall and spread the news to your friends and have them do the same.  Let's show BMAF Martial Arts just how powerful this mild mannered blogger really is.  Are you ready, BMAF?  I hope you are!

(Thanks to the great people at BMAF Martial Arts for helping me provide a firm foundation of confidence for my kids during a difficult time.  And...for being Awesome.)

With just over a week before Father's Day, some of you may be scrambling for the perfect gift for your dad or husband.  Many of you will wait until the last minute and grab him one of those most overused of gifts: the necktie.

Mother Load readers, today I exhort you to NOT wait until the last minute, but I also exhort you to buy him a tie.  I know, I know, I never thought I'd recommend a tie for Father's Day, either.  But then again, I'd never seen a Pillow Tie before today.

Here's a recent video.  Check it out.



People, I think this might be the coolest thing I've ever seen, and this is coming from someone who owns two Perfect Brownie Pans.  AND I think ties are silly and meaningless conventions, and I'm pretty certain I wouldn't wear one if I were a man, no matter what my profession.  To me, ties are the ultimate Stupid Product, hanging from a man's neck like an over long piece of striped jewelry and often obstructing his air flow in the process.

But you put a pillow in it, and BAM! Awesome Product.  If you're going to wear something simply because convention says you have to, you might as well get some enjoyment out of it. The Pillow Tie blasts a great, big hole in the paradigm that says fashionable clothing can't be functional.

It must also be said that there is value in this product's ability to make a statement to boring speakers everywhere.  Anyone can fall asleep in a meeting, head bobbing and jerking in that characteristic way.  Boring bosses or lecturers see this and are bound to think the sleeper just had a hard night.  Inflate a Pillow Tie and snuggle down purposefully in front of him, and he's going to realize something about himself. 

The only thing I'm left wondering is when the makers of the Pillow Tie are going to branch out into women's clothing and accessories.  There are so many things I don't wear because I don't see the point.  If you put a pillow in them, I'd be your biggest fan.

Speaking of which, you can become a fan of the Pillow Tie on their Facebook fan page.  If you're planning on buying one, you might want to wait until after Father's Day, so you don't ruin the surprise.  Happy Father's Day and happy napping to dads everwhere!

(Thanks to Tami C. of Washington, D.C., for the heads up on today's Awesome Product!)

Maybe it's a coincidence that both my Stupid and Awesome Products for this week deal with poop. Maybe it's fate. I did try to hold this one off until next week in order to space out the feces related posts, but I'm just too excited about it to wait.

The Doggie Doo Drain is an ingenius little product that allows dog owners to flush canine yard deposits right into the sewer.  If you want to know the truth, when I checked out the link, I didn't even know my home had a sewage drain or how I would attach the Doggie Doo Drain to one if I found it.  This commercial shows how ridiculously simple the process is (and how ridiculously clueless I apparently am about these things).



I've had two dogs in my lifetime, and I can say that this aspect of owning a dog is the reason I've only owned two dogs in my lifetime. (Okay, and there's the drooling and the barking and the tearing up of the furniture and shoes and the general not being anything like cats thing.) Had I had a Doggie Doo Drain, I might have had a more enjoyable experience as a dog owner.

According to the product's website, the Doggie Doo Drain has won awards, and I can't say that I'm surprised.  This is one of those inventions that makes you think, "Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?"  It's simple, practical, and environmentally sound.  What more do you need?

Now, if they could just make a Kitty Doo Drain...  Nah, I'm still holding out for the day my cats realize the toilet is for more than just drinking.

(Thanks to Becky B. of Ogden, UT, for introducing me to today's Awesome Product!  She's pretty awesome herself, so I'm not surprised that her awesome finding powers are so advanced.)

This product was brought to my attention by two Mother Load readers on two separate occasions, and I've been trying to decide whether it's Stupid or Awesome ever since.  Today, I'm ready to leave the debate behind and go the way of the P-Mate Female Urinal  and  Booty Pop Panties.  Yes, folks, we have another Stupid Awesome Product!

Take a look.



Having been married twice, I know a thing or two about the silent and the deadly.  I have to say, though, that I think husbands are getting a bad rap in this commercial.  You all learned from my post about my visit from a census worker that my dear husband is not the only person who passes gas in bed from time to time.  Women are just as likely as men to disrupt the serenity of the marriage bed with their gas.  Ladies, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  Everyone farts.  Everyone.  Pretending like women are the only victims in this situation makes this a Stupid Product.

But wait!  What if it works?  I don't know much about the science behind this blanket, but if it's real, then I have no choice but to rate it Awesome.  I mean, we've all been there, right?  A bad case of the stomach flu, and your spouse is ready to sleep outside until you're over it.  If this "military grade technology" is all it's cracked (snicker) up to be, then this product is, indeed, Awesome.

But what about covered wagons?  If your husband lets one rip and then traps you under the blanket with it, no amount of technology or chemical weapons research is going to save your nostrils from the onslaught.  Stupid.  (Let it be known that only one of my two husbands has ever done this.  I'm not married to him anymore.  Go figure.)

One more vote for Stupid goes to the commercial's suggestion that this blanket be given as a wedding or anniversary gift.  I'm sorry...but do you remember your bridal shower?  Would you have wanted to open one of these in front of all of your friends and family?  I don't think so.  Giving this product as a gift is a great way of saying, "Your fiance/spouse has been talking, and we know about your little problem."  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So, it seems the Better Marriage Blanket is leaning heavily on the Stupid side, with a dash of Awesome for possibly providing a service most marriages could benefit from.  I'll leave it to my readers to decide what they think.  If you have real life experience with it, and you're not too embarrassed to share, let me know how it worked.  Maybe I'll buy one for my census worker. 

(Thanks to Lisa R. of Eagle Mountain, UT, and Corey O. of Orem, UT, for the heads up on this product!  No word yet on whether or not either of them uses the Better Marriage Blanket.  I do know they're both happily married.  Take from that what you will...)

Raise of hands: How many of you have never heard of a contrabass clarinet before?  Wow!  Almost all of you.  Ask me if I'm surprised... 

Yes, I see you in the corner, band and orchestra geeks who found this blog through my husband.  You've all heard of this obscure instrument.  Good job.  I'm very proud.  Handerpants for all of you!

For those of you (read: the majority) who are still shaking your heads and saying, "Contra-whaaaa?" (and mourning because I'm not offering you underpants for your hands) I give you the Leblanc Bb Resonite Contrabass Clarinet.



It's a terrible shot, I know, but it's not easy getting a clarinet that tall in one frame.  For reference, I'd say one of my husband's normal sized clarinets is about a quarter to a third the length of this instrument.  You might notice the case on the couch behind the contrabass.  While I've never actually tested this theory, I believe this case is taller than I am.  (And I'm appropriately jealous of it.  That's why I make it live under our bed.)

So, why is this my Awesome Product for this week?  Because we want to sell it, that's why!  Is it blatantly self serving of me to post it on my blog?  Absolutely!  Do I feel any shame about that?  Not at all.  Why?  Because this clarinet is AWESOME, and you need it!  And believe me...I know awesome.

You probably have some questions about this product.  Let me answer the ones I most anticipate right here.

Q. Why would I need a clarinet this tall?
A. Because you don't have a bassoon.  Duh.

Q. What if I do have a bassoon?  Do I still need a contrabass clarinet?
A. Everyone needs a contrabass clarinet.  It's the law.  (Unless you're a successful humor blogger, that is.)

Q. But I don't play the clarinet.  Why would I need an instrument I can't play?
A.  I don't know how to build a computer, but I'm typing on one right now...

Q. Okay, I see your logic. I can see you're much smarter than I am.  What can I do with this instrument I can't play?
A. The possibilities are limitless.  You can scare cats (we have footage.)  You can use it to beat up burglars and prowlers.  For the contract killers in my readership, the case will comfortably hold the remains of two human adults.  You can blast your teenager awake early Saturday morning and then laugh heartily.  For those of you who are musically inclined, you can strut in front of your geeky music friends and say, "I own a contrabass clarinet."  (Never underestimate the power of musical bragging rights.)

Q. How much?
A. We're asking $2500 for payment in full at the time of purchase, or $3000 if you want to make payments.  It was just over $4000 new and is still in excellent condition, so this is a pretty good deal.

Q. Wow! Musical instruments cost that much?
A. Holy, ohmygosh, I KNOW!

Q. Can anyone make payments?
A. Yes, as long as you live in Northern Utah.  Outside the area, we'd have to have the full amount up front.  It's just too hard to steal your children as forced collateral if you live far away.

Q. I'll never buy this, but I know someone who might want to.  What's in it for me if I tell someone about Richard's contrabass clarinet and you make the sale?
A. If you refer a buyer for the clarinet and the sale goes through, you can have your pick of any Awesome or Stupid product I've profiled on this blog, up to a value of $100.  That's good for one War on Debt Home Study Course,  FIVE Perfect Brownie Pans, or  approximately EIGHT pairs of Handerpants! Or mix and match!

Q. What if I buy the clarinet?  Will I get to pick a product too?  (I've really got my eye on the P-Mate.)
A. First, ew. Second, absolutely.  If you;re already a Mother Load reader and you buy the contrabass clarinet, you can choose a product (or two...or three) up to a value of $100.

Q. How do I get in touch with you about this truly Awesome Product?
A Email me at my business email address: pieskyprofessionalwriting@gmail.com!

This is a first in the history of the Awesome Products feature of The Mother Load.  I have found an Awesome Product, but I don't know its name!  Sensible people might say that I should take some time to research this product before I plaster it all over my blog.  Sensible people probably wouldn't spend a half an hour playing with this toy, either, so there you go.

Here's what the mystery product looks like.

Before you begin reading this product review, you should know that I plan to shamelessly beg for the product in question throughout this post.  I don't say this to apologize for my behavior (note the word "shamelessly" above) but to prepare your minds for truth your hearts already know: that you want to buy me this product.

The Wilton Chocolate Pro Melting Pot is a product I know well, not because I've ever owned one, but because I've given two away as gifts.  The people who've received this product as a gift from me have said things like, "This is PERFECT!"  "It's great for the whole family! We had so much fun using it! We've already used it twice!"  "I'm so glad you got this for us, because it's something I would never buy for myself, but would always want."  "Sarah, you're the most awesome gift giver ever and people who read your blog should buy this same gift for YOU!"

(That last statement was inferred, of course.  Still...)

Whatever the people at Wilton are paying for marketing, I can guarantee you it's too much.  This is the epitome of the product that sells itself.  If they felt the need to spend something on advertizing, all the ad would really have to say is, "It melts chocolate so you can dip stuff in it.  Ta-daaaaaaaaaa!" 

So, I think someone on here has been longing to give me a gift and has been wondering what to get me.  You know I already have two Perfect Brownie Pans, the result of the review I wrote about them, and you've likely been worrying yourself sick over what could ever compare.  Worry no more!  The only thing I like just as much as baked chocolate is melted chocolate!

In case you need to justify the expense to your significant other, I submit for your approval "Reasons I deserve a Wilton Chocolate Pro Melting Pot."

Reason #1.  I've made my bed every day for the last two weeks. (True story!)

 

Reason #2:  I have cute cats. (Yes, there are two in this picture.)



Reason #3: I love "Moonstruck."  (People who love "Moonstruck" know why this is a very important qualifier.  Ma, I love it awful.)



Reason #4: Because I only drank one.  (Sorry, Michelle...)



I can't wait to start melting chocolate!  Thanks, guys!