The Mother Load

"Trousers dragging, slowly dragging through the street. See, I'm walking, but I'm walking without feet."

This song is on my mind as I prepare to write today's Outrageous News post. Someday, I'll win something because of all of you lovely readers, and I'll post a YouTube video of yours truly singing that song (and you will be shocked and amazed at my musical prowess...and I will have the camera-person cut away before I vomit in my nervousness).

The song in question, "Sam, You Made the Pants too Long," is a relic, an example of of a bygone era when people thought pants should fit. Many of today's gangsta wannabes would rewrite the words to thank the fictional Sam for allowing them to look just as ridiculous as they've always wanted.

Having worked with teens, I know the sagging phenomenon quite well. I got to hand out consequences any time I saw a pair of boxers peeking out over the top of a sagged pair of jeans. Unfortunately for those of us in the business of helping wayward youth succeed, we weren't very successful at that aspect of it.

I'm happy to say that a principal in Memphis has succeeded where I failed, and the rate of sagged pants in his school has dropped (heh) to almost zero. He calls his
efforts the "Urkel Initiative." I call it the most creative solution I've seen to this problem.



Twist ties! All this time, all we needed were twist ties! According to CNN's version of the report, the boys are actually given the choice of accepting the Urkel treatment or taking a dress code violation, a consequence that would involve having their parents come to the school. If those moms are anything like mine was, their kids are probably more than happy to accept the twist tie treatment.

To Mr. White, I commend you for taking a stand and making it work. To the students of the school, good for you for accepting it like champs. You look better as Urkel, anyway.