The Mother Load

 

Mom, today I learned that a certain daughter messing up my printer isn't a complete disaster...as long as I can bring my laptop to church...and someone scrolls for me.

 

 Mom, today I learned that cats who see their playmates hauled to the vet in one of these lose their desire to cuddle with their humans really quickly.

 

Lucky for us, they get it back once they've had a chance to cuddle with their buddies again.

It has always been my contention that fashion designers are really just people who sit at home and think, "What will I make for the lemmings today? Who cares? I could slap my name on a used gum wrapper and people would pay $500 to wear it."  Today's stupid product, the  Teva Stiletto, illustrates this quite well, I think.

A collaboration between the Grey Ant company, run by a New York fashion designer I've never heard of, and Teva, the hiking shoe/sandal company everyone's heard of, the Teva Stiletto is like some kind of awful genetic experiment gone wrong.  It's a "hiking" stiletto that is as useless as it is ugly, and it can be yours for only $330!

The site hocking these worthless shoes advertises their worthlessness in bold letters just above the ridiculous price, telling potential buyers that these are not recommended for hiking or mountain climbing.  I agree.  Other hikers would laugh a girl off the mountain if she dared arrive at the trailhead in these shoes.  The fact that she'd break her ankle on the first incline or fall to an untimely death halfway up is secondary.

In my research for this Stupid Product, I watched an entire YouTube video (which I will not inflict on you) of a woman talking about this shoe.  According to her, people are up in arms because the Grey Ant company slummed in collaborating with Teva.  Am I the only one who thinks the outrage should be headed in the other direction?

Teva is the face of hiking.  Teva is the shoe brand all the other hiking shoe brands have locker pictures of and wish they could eat lunch with.  Teva doesn't just rule the school. Teva is too cool for school.  In other words, Teva is BETTER THAN THIS!  Just watch.




Teva, you make me sad.

There are only two sets of people in this world I can imagine will fork over hundreds of dollars for these stupid shoes: wannabes who think they're models and actual models who can't seem to make it across a runway without falling down.  On that note, I leave you with the following:



This is what fashion does to you, people.  Don't be a lemming.

I found today's You've Gotta See This video in my work for Mahalo.com this week. I was a reviewing a writer's page on one of Lady Gaga's songs and the site suggested I might also be interested in a page on the singer before she was famous. Even though my interest in the page I was on was strictly Quality Control related, I found myself clicking over to see what was there.

What I found were a number of videos depicting a beautiful and amazingly talented singer without an ounce of raw meat or purple latex anywhere on her body. Stefani seems downright human compared to her current Gaga persona, and her music, far from the autotuned, techno-pop craziness she feeds to the masses today, is actually, you know, musical.

This video features the artist formerly known as normal at an NYU talent show singing two original songs, "Captivated" and "Electric Kiss." I am so captivated (really, there's no other word) by the first that I may spend the next few weeks learning the piano part by ear so I can sing it to my husband whenever I feel extra sappy (read: every day). The second song, and its message about what fame does to a person, is simply a case of the artist becoming her art. Irony at its finest, Stefani, or was it just a vision of your future?

Enjoy a glimpse into the past of someone who has since been assimilated into the pop culture machine. I would have liked to have known her when.

Mom, today I learned that people don't need to drive to a fast food restaurant to eat disgusting food. They can make it in the comfort of their own homes! (There won't be any comfort left once they eat it, but what can you do?)

Mom, today I learned that if I want to feed my family with this...




I'd have to pick a favorite. 


(That's 3 servings per "Family Size" box, in case you can't read it.)

Mom, today I learned that the act of adding actual sugar to a soft drink has become an event.

Mom, today I learned that when I see a choice like this in a doctor's office examining room, I think the doctor is testing me and choose the more mature magazine, even if I am interested in the fact that Christina Aguilera can talk.

Mom, today I learned that if you have to note that your chocolates are made of chocolate, I don't want to know what other kinds of chocolate you sell.