The Mother Load

Hit me right in the feels!

Mom, today I learned that it's possible for hot cereal, that holiest of breakfast foods, to taste bad. This is the saddest day of my life.

(I had to keep eating it, too, because I have a two mile walk ahead of me and need the fuel. But man...there's something wrong with this fuel. I don't want to talk about it anymore.)

Okay, so it's probably not a saga, but my teeth are sparkly. Other things that aren't really sagas but involve creepy, sparkly characters get called sagas and then make ridiculous amounts of money. I'm just hoping for a five film contract here. Nothing outrageous.

The stupid in this story is yours truly. I'm not labeling myself stupid. That would be stupid. I'm just saying that like many human beings throughout history, I'm a smart person who sometimes makes stupid choices. Like when you touch the hot plate the server just told you was hot or when you eat Velveeta on purpose. Temporary lapses of judgment.

My lapse lasted 20 years. Most people get their wisdom teeth out by high school graduation or shortly after, and dentists like this because the roots aren't fully formed, so the removal tends to be easier and carry less risk. I put it off until last week.

National Honor Society...smart! Except about teeth.

There are many reasons I give people for waiting until I was 37 to get my wisdom teeth out. For instance, I mention that for the first 8 years of my first marriage, I was pregnant or nursing or both. (This is only mostly true.)

Use my babies as an excuse? Me?

I tell people that every time I considered having the surgery, I'd end up needing another...gall bladder, ACL reconstruction, hysterectomy...  (You're simultaneously curious and afraid to click that link, aren't you?)

Looking this beautiful twice a year would be beauty overkill.

My most recent excuse was provided by an article I read that said professional dental organizations no longer recommend preventive wisdom tooth extractions and are urging dentists to only remove them if they cause problems, like the more modern approach to tonsils.

Yeah...yeah! That's the ticket!

Confidently telling this to my dentist caused him to look me deep in the eyes and speak very slowly so the smart/stupid woman in his chair could understand.

"Sarah...your wisdom teeth have caused you, on average, one week of excruciating pain per year for the last 20 years. They're...causing...problems..."

Logic bomb DROPPED!

The true reason for the delay was a debilitating fear of dentists. Wow, Sarah. Afraid of dentists. That's so...not different from everyone else on the planet.  

No, really. We're talking choking, sobbing, dizzy panic attacks. PTSD. Complete system shutdown. I didn't see a dentist for ANYTHING for 13 years and only went back a year ago when the choking, sobbing, panic attack caused by an abscess on a molar felt worse than the prospect of a dental visit.

Also, Richard just started making my appointments for me without talking to me first.

You're so lucky you're cute.

A year of dental visits later, my panic has abated. When my annual excruciating wisdom tooth pain arrived in December, I was DONE. I made an appointment with an oral surgeon and scheduled the procedure for January. "Knock me out and yank them. I just want this over with!" I was NOT going to cancel this time.

Except I was.  I was totally going to cancel.

But I forgot.

A week ago today, I woke up to the awful, sinking realization that I was having oral surgery TOMORROW. I hadn't prepared anything. No easy menu for the week. No super special soft foods purchased. No ride to and from arranged. No heads up to the boss or time off planned.  My 24 hour cancellation window was shut tight.

Extend palm. Insert face.

My online convo with my boss at Datawise went something like this. (Italicized dialogue represents everything my long suffering boss didn't say but probably thought or at least would have been justified in thinking.)

Me: If you were looking for a reason to call me a dufus, I've got one!
Tearsa: Looking for a reason? She thinks I'd have to look for a reason? Lol, what's what?
Me: I completely forgot that I'm having my wisdom teeth out at 11 tomorrow.
Tearsa: She's trying to kill me. She's literally trying to KILL me. Oh man :( Bad timing. I was JUST about to send you this note.
Tearsa: (Note containing the list of projects she'd hoped to throw at me at 11 tomorrow). I can't believe we actually pay this woman.
***Conversation in which we work out which project I can do ahead, which can be farmed out to someone else, and which I'll try to complete hours after the procedure***
Tearsa: Okay. (Man! No fun!) For me. Thanks for the heads up. Not.

With work at one job squared away, and no work at the other until two days post surgery, all I needed was to pick up a few supplies, secure a ride (Richard had a similar convo with his boss) and get a good night's sleep before the big day.

So, naturally I agreed to fill in overnight at the group home where I'm sometimes needed. And even though this is a job where I'm allowed to SLEEP once the girls are in bed, I decided to stay up until 3:30 am getting a jump on Datawise work that probably could have waited. So when I got to the oral surgeon's office, I'd had exactly 3 hours of sleep.

Don't give this woman sharp objects.

The surgery itself went okay, though my one impacted tooth put up a fight, and I got a nice little wound where my lip almost tore open, Joker style. The nurse got to see my stupid side when I started laughing at a small joke she made and couldn't stop. She said, "Ah, I can see the meds are working." This prompted me to argue vehemently that, no, it wasn't the sedative. She was JUST. THAT. FUNNY. (Don't you know how funny you are, funny nurse?!)

I spent a good amount of the first 24 hours vomiting enthusiastically from pain meds, so I cut down to just ibuprofen and have managed fine since then. (Not that enthusiastic vomiting isn't fun and all.) Overall, this recovery has been fairly easy and the pain, what pain there has been, doesn't hold a candle to the agony these teeth used to put me through ever single year for 20 years.

Moral of the story, kids: If your wisdom teeth hurt you, don't maintain the relationship out of some codependent need for togetherness or identity. Don't make excuses. Get them out, and get them out young. Dentists are your friends. Be nice to your bosses. Sleep is not overrated, and if you're medicated, the comedy stylings of nurses probably are.

It was a really funny joke, though...

Mom, today I learned that my grandma (aka your mom) has been surfing the web on a tablet like a teenager while I sit here still completely terrified of those newfangled devices. I guess an old coot like me could stand to learn something from a young whippersnapper like Esther Jones. Kids today...

(Note: Look at my cute Grandma! Look at her! Cuteness! You're dying of cuteness!) 

When I think of the words, "I took a year off from blogging," I can't help but reframe them in the words of a popular internet meme: "In Soviet Russia, a year off takes YOU!"  I think it's because that's the more honest way of stating what 2013 was like for me. I spent a lot of time thinking, "But hey, it wasn't as hard as 2012."  Now that 2014 is here, I'm more able to allow 2013 to be what it was, which was a hard year.

But not a terrible one.  Some of the stresses we endured I can share below, but there are other things I'm keeping close. Suffice it to say that hard stuff went down, sometimes just to people close to us, sometimes to us, and sometimes, the one spilled over into the other. It was hard, but we're okay.

So, here's a rundown of where I'm at and what you can expect (ha!) from me.

We're still here in Layton, UT, still loving the city and our house. Our big goal for the year is to move from renters to owners by buying the house we're renting, and so far, it's looking good. This does not mean we're averse to things like prayer or energy or whatever the positive form of voodoo is. We are. Send them our way.

Best part: The Whomping Willow out front.

Your last Miriam update was that she'd been seizure free for a few months. I'm happy to say that she's been seizure free and without any of her previous neurological symptoms for well over a year now.

Follow ups at Primary Children's mean she still gets ice cream, though.

Aaron hasn't been so lucky. :(  We're still trying to get him seizure free for longer than 6 months so he can resume learning to drive and hopefully remain seizure free for life. After his latest seizure following Christmas break, he's gotten very serious about taking his supplements and drinking his milk every single day.

He's equally serious about iPod solitaire.

Cate got all grown up on me, which I think you'll all agree is entirely uncool.  She wears contacts now and takes cake decorating classes and dreams of being the next Cake Boss.

Slow the heck down, little woman!

Evelyn thinks she can grow up too. She carries around a viola case half her size and points out her womanly muscles every chance she gets.

Don't think music is going to save you from my mom wrath, kid.

Michael had the audacity to turn 9 last November. These days, he's all about food and Scouts. Scouts and food.

And food.

Richard fully committed to beardliness which is, as you know, next to Godliness. This blogger will tell you more about how she feels about his beard when she stops fanning herself.

Hubba hubba!

As for me, I still work from home for Datawise, but now I also work a few nights a week at a treatment center here in Layton keeping watch over troubled teen girls while they sleep. I'm also now a third of the way through a masters program and will have an MS in counseling in early 2016. I also haven't exercised or eaten healthy in...months... Oops.

Compensating with cute glasses, big hair, and flattering camera positions.

On the pet front, we had some sadness. We had to say goodbye to our sweet Psyche on New Years Eve. She was old when we got her, but we'd hoped to have a good 10 years with her. It wasn't to be.

Sweetest sweetie cat.

It's hard to know if Quill and Isis understand her absence from the house. They're a comfort to those of us who do, anyway.

You two must stay 10 more years. You must.

We very recently lost our beautiful niece, Stacey, who went home to God at the much too young age of 30. I'm not ready to say more because I still can't say anything about it without crying. Just know she was beautiful and wonderful and ours for too short a time.

Love you forever.

This year hasn't been all hard stuff and growing up. We had some fun times too.  We traveled to Texas and converged with all my siblings for our parents' 25th anniversary.

25 Years on Braudaway!

We made an impulsive trip over Labor Day weekend to Idaho just to say we'd been to Idaho. Landed at the State Fair. Fun and hijinks ensued. Also, hey...we've been to Idaho.

Black sheep...hijinks for sure.

We discovered the magic that is downtown Ogden, UT, and have spent many a magical hour there.

Historic 25th Street: Zombies welcome.

In November, Richard and I stole away to the Anniversary Inn for a much needed and long overdue night away. We asked if we could live there for good, but they just backed away slowly.

But really...can't we just move in?

So, I think I mentioned above that I'd tell you what you can expect from this blog in the near future. The only honest answer to that is that I'll be blogging but can't say how often. After a couple of stressful years, I've realized I didn't do myself any favors by NOT blogging, so I'm committed to keeping this outlet available. My blogs keep me grounded, centered, and surprisingly happy even when times are tough, so my hope is to just keep up even if the unexpected arises because I'm better off if I do.

Thank you for that.

Mom, today I learned that smoking is forbidden for 2 days after wisdom tooth extraction, so I'm being my most frumpy to comply.



The ice packs are also helping.

Mom, today I learned that when one is drowning in political data entry, the ability to read the bad handwriting of passionate (angry) people is a super power, and I totally have it.

(Unfortunately, I also learned that paper cuts are my Kryptonite, and I totally have those too.)  

Mom, today I learned that January 21st is tomorrow. Apparently I'm having my wisdom teeth out at 11. I probably should have talked to my boss BEFORE just now...

(In my defense, I've been fighting this for 20 years. I never actually thought I'd go through with it!)

Mom, today I learned that burglars broke into our house last night, ignored everything else of value, opened the fridge, and stole Richard's lunch!

Or...for the first time in over a year, he remembered to take his lunch to work...

Nope. Burglars...definitely burglars.

Mom, today I learned (again) why the Franz Bakery outlet is the BEST STORE EVER!

(That's 64 fluffy hamburger buns...for $2. It's okay. Jealousy is a valid emotion.)

I found today's Awesome Product, The Perfect Pancake Pan, in my local Kmart where I was searching for pretty, non-broken lamps for my bedroom (I do this every few months when the previous pretty, non-broken lamps die sad, unfortunate deaths...usually at the paws of cats).



I bought two Perfect Pancake Pans on impulse, having never seen an ad for one on TV, so I don't know what over-the-top, As Seen on TV calamities this product is supposed to prevent. I didn't buy it because I have a problem tripping and falling every time I try to pour pancake batter into a pan, nor have I ever sent a skillet flying across the room in my inept attempts at flipping a pancake (that only happens with grilled cheese).

For me, the draw was all about numbers. There are seven hungry people in my house, and two Perfect Pancake Pans can make eight pancakes at a time. And unlike a griddle, which *might* have room for that many, the Perfect Pancake Pan keeps the batter from running between pancakes and allows me to flip them all at once. This is especially helpful when I'm also tending to eggs and bacon or cutting up melons to complete the meal, which happens just about every time I'm making pancakes. 

I'm happy to report the pans work just as they promise to. There was a learning curve with the first batch when I didn't give them sufficient time to cook after flipping them, but that was more about me being impatient to "test" one than anything. I do that with everything I cook (and consequently have a taste of half cooked food...mmmm...half cooked food). If you follow the directions that come with the pan, you'll be fine.





A few days after I cooked my first batch of pancakes, we tried making eggs in the pans for some breakfast sandwiches. The technique is a little different with eggs, but the results were just as good. As a mom of kids who love, love, love fried egg sandwiches, being able to make them all at once is like a Christmas miracle. I'm not saying Jesus endorses the Perfect Pancake Pan, but if the loaves and fishes were pancakes and eggs, this product would have gone a long way. I'm just sayin'.

Mom, today I learned that while there may be a link between gluten intolerance and Hashimoto's disease, I am honor bound not to care.

Because donuts.