The Mother Load

Mom, today I learned that if you know the weight of one object and you know the right math, you can find out the weight of another object. This does not induce me to learn more math. It does, however, induce me to keep my math-loving father in law around so he can do whatever math I need. He would argue that everyone should know this stuff. I would argue that, "Holy cow! That was cool! Do it again!" and leave it at that.

Mom, today I learned that my plan to raise mature, cultured daughters is almost complete.



Almost...

It's End of the World Week here at The Mother Load! Since May 21st has been declared judgment day, I feel the need to devote my larger posts to this topic, so you'll all be ready for the second coming. I'm just trying to raise awareness here. I'm like a modern day Noah...without the animals or the boat or the beard. (Thanks, Nair Face Cream!)

Because many of you might be wondering when it would be best to panic or repent (whichever you are more personally likely to do), I've found this Onion News Network story on ominous music that you might find helpful. If this report is any indication, we can all have a good time Saturday UNTIL we hear the suspenseful music play. At that point, it will be clear to everyone that judgment is NOW.

So, be aware. Dark undertones...occasional screeching violins...minor piano melodies...these are the signs that the apocalypse has begun. If we get to discordant choir voices singing high pitched cadences of monosyllabic sounds, we're officially toast.

Good luck to you all.

Mom, today I learned that Utah's Hogle Zoo has some new, much more frightening residents.



I mean seriously...heebie jeebies!



I learned that no matter how many kitties I have living with me, I will always want to take this one home.



This one, too.



I learned that Natalie Portman is looking lovely these days.



And that my chances of ever visiting South America just went waaaaaaaay down.



I learned that giraffes like to play just like the rest of us.



And that my weight loss efforts could benefit from a sign like this one.



And finally, I learned that someone is organizing posses to threaten the earth!



I consider myself more a rabble-rouser, but leader of a posse is okay too.