The Mother Load

When I posted yesterday's Outrageous News story about the mother suing McDonald's over a cigarette in her son's happy meal, I knew there was only one video in the world I wanted to post today as a complement to it.

Here's the second love of my life, Mr. Alfred Yankovic, singing his original song, "I'll sue ya." Okay, so he's a cartoon in the video. This is a good thing, because every time I see the real life version, my heart goes all a-flutter and I start to question my loyalty to my spouse.

Don't judge me. You're all swooning over Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. I just happen to prefer a genius goofball to a more traditional heartthrob. (Genius goofballs are better kissers. I should know. I'm married to one.)

Whew! Is it getting warm in here? Okay...on to the song.



(Thanks to Mother Load reader, Julie B., of Mesa, AZ, for informing me that I could, in fact, embed a Weird Al video if I got it from his Vevo page!)

Mom, today I learned that if you hear a knock on your door 2 seconds after your daughter walks through it to leave for school, you should NOT assume it's her and open it without your shirt on.



Because it's probably a census worker.



I also learned that if your basement used to be a separate apartment, the US Government will make you complete two census forms so they can delete one.  Efficient, no?



I learned that when someone asks my husband's race, I can't resist:  "White...and nerdy."



I learned that the government is still telling this lie.



And finally, I learned that if the census worker visits while your five year old is at home, you will hear conversations like the following:

Michael: "Hey! I gotta tell you something!"
Census worker: "Yeah?"
Michael (pointing at me): "She farts in her bed."
Census worker (laughing): "Oh, I think everyone does.  I'll bet you do it, too."
Michael: "No, I PEE in my bed!"
Me: "Thanks, Michael."

This story is from last week, but I liked it so much, I had to share.

Apparently, a young mom in the UK opened up her son's happy meal bag and was shocked and horrified to find a huge pile of money inside!  Wait...scratch that...she found a cigarette inside, noted that it wasn't a huge pile of money, and is now planning to file a lawsuit against McDonald's for not providing her with a huge pile of money.

According to the cigarette in the happy meal news story, the cigarette was unused, and the woman's son was not harmed in any way.  The worker who was handling the meal at the restaurant bummed the cigarette off of a coworker who was leaving and must have accidentally dropped it into the bag while putting his meal together.  The mom has received apologies and offers of reimbursement or free meals from both the manager and the folks at the McDonald's head office, and the authorities in her England city have offered to investigate the restaurant. 

The mother has, of course, refused all of these offers, because none of them involve a huge pile of money.

As a mother, would I be happy to find a tobacco product in my child's happy meal?  Certainly not.  Would I expect the employee involved to be disciplined?  Absolutely.  Would I sue the restaurant over it?  Of course not.  I prefer to reserve my legal battles for situations in which actual harm was done.

I'm trying to consider what her lawyer will tell the judge. 

Attorney: "Your honor, my client is suing the defendant because they put something toxic and thoroughly unhealthy in her very small child's meal."
Judge: "McDonald's food?"
Attorney: "Worse!  A cigarette!"
Judge: "And the child ingested this?"
Attorney: "No, your honor."
Judge: "And the defendant ignored the situation?"
Attorney: "No, your honor.  They offered her a refund and free food."
Judge: "So, we're here because..."
Attorney: "They've got buckets of money and we were hoping they'd settle."
Judge: "And they didn't?"
Attorney: "No. And the only thing judges hate more than money grubbing, sue-happy miscreants is the tobacco industry, so we figure we're good."
Judge: "Good thinking."

Mom, today I learned that even on final exam day...I just can't contain myself. (In case it's hard to read: "You torture me with math, and I'll torture you with grammar.")