The Mother Load

Busty, sleep-deprived women, I give you The Kush!



I had seen the Kush before and wondered what the fuss was about. I'm not particularly large in the chestal region (read a column I wrote about it here). I don't struggle with the weight of my breasts keeping me awake or putting strain on my back. When it was presented as a candidate for stupid product status, I knew I'd have to learn more, because it's not like I'm going to try it out. (Okay, it could be fun for target practice or a game of fetch with the cats, but really...when you don't have enough on your chest to hold it in place, it's just not that interesting.)

I polled a few of my more voluptuous friends. The consensus? Amazing concept...craptacular execution. According to my friend Corey O., having something between her breasts would be extremely helpful to her nighttime comfort. Having something plastic, however, would cause her to wake up smelling like, "stinky, old man," and no amount of comfort is worth that. Ah, Stinky, Old Man.  That's a fragrance every girl wants in her cleavage.

All of my bosom buddies (heh) agreed the $55 price tag was ridiculous. According to the main site, the Kush can be purchased for the lower price of about $25, but even that is pretty pricey for a piece of plastic that does nothing more than sit between your breasts. The inventor may have had a brilliant idea, but a pair of rolled up socks would do the trick for free. Other possible alternatives my friends came up with included a toilet paper roll stuffed with cotton, a small stuffed animal, and, ahem, a husband's arm. (I will point out that husbands cost much more than $55, and can sometimes smell like "stinky, old man," so I don't fully endorse this alternative.)

Perhaps if I had larger breasts, I'd understand how life-changing this product is. As it stands, I don't have larger breasts and likely never will, so all I see is a pricey piece of plastic shouting, "Just call me grandpa, and don't mind the smell!"  So, busty ladies, it's all yours.

(Thanks to Jenn P. for the Stupid Product idea.  Thanks to Corey O., Tisha H., and Kaylee for the mucho mammary insight.)

Mom, today I learned that I can be free from breathing! Wheeeeeeeeeee!

This month's awesome product idea comes from my mother, a woman who taught me from a young age that diamonds are expensive and can be lost or stolen, but brownies are a girl's best friend.  The product in question is the Perfect Brownie Pan.

(FTC Moment: I was not given anything by the makers of the Perfect Brownie Pan to write this review.  However, I was given the gift of life by the woman who told me about this product.  If you think this disclosure clouds my judgment, feel free not to buy the product.  I will feel free to pity you while I eat perfect brownies.)

I was surprised to learn this product was from from those As Seen on TV people who will undoubtedly supply me with stupid products for many years (Bumpit, this is your only warning!).  I don't have TV, so everything sold this way is "As Seen in the Store with an As Seen on TV Label" to me.  Or in the case of the Perfect Brownie Pan,  "As Heard About on the Phone from My Crazy, Brownie-Loving Mom."

Crazy, Brownie-Loving Moms know their stuff, though.  And here it is:



So, what does Willie Braudaway say after using the Perfect Brownie pan?  Well, that it's PERFECT!  It does exactly what the video says it will do and is the answer to all the problems in the world and the greater universe.  She's sending one to President Obama and says the war will end, the economy will turn around, and puppies and kittens will live in peace within the month.

Okay, maybe she didn't go that far.  She did, however lament her complete lack of brownie cutting skills (and she's no slouch in the kitchen, let me tell you) and says the Perfect Brownie Pan gives her the opportunity to serve perfectly cut brownies for the first time in her life.  She used the pan as recently as last night and said even though she accidentally overcooked her brownies, she was still able to get the seperator out with a bit of help from a rubber spatula, and they still tasted great.  For someone who loves brownies as much as she does, the Perfect Brownie Pan is pretty incredible.

Of course, I write this as if I don't also love brownies more than life itself.  I'll admit it.  I think brownies are God's gift to me and you guys get to eat them because I'm nice enough to share.  I love eating a brownie hot out of the oven, which anyone who's made brownies knows is not technically possible, because attempting to cut hot brownies results in poorly formed globs of what tastes like brownie.  I've been okay with that until now.  Mom reports the Perfect Brownie separator makes a perfectly cut, hot from the oven brownie a possibility.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm in.  That's all I need to know.  They had me at Perfect Brownie.

The Perfect Brownie Pan is the perfect gift for the brownie lover in your life (and come on...who doesn't love brownies?)  At the usual As Seen on TV price of $19.95, it's also very affordable.  I've already begged for one for Christmas and secretly hope someone will read this and send me one for my birthday.  Because the only thing better than a tray of perfect brownies is two trays of perfect brownies.

I hope Obama gets his soon!

Mom, today I learned that the people who wrote this want to help me write my resume.