The Mother Load

Published May 17, 2009
St. George Spectrum & Daily News

About a year ago, I wrote a column in preparation for my wedding about how my new husband and I were “star crossed.” He, the geek with an appalling love for Star Wars, thought I was an insufferable nerd for my passionate love of Star Trek. Our wedding cake was topped with action figures from our opposing universes, our wedding guests looking on in amusement (or tolerance at our weirdness...it's hard to know which).

It’s not easy being a Trekker in a Skywalker household. My kids haven’t had the Star Trek exposure I would have liked, so they’re all Lucas fans too. I actually like Star Wars, but living with major fans can be overwhelming. Over the past year, I’ve watched all six Star Wars movies at least 5 times. As a show of support (and boredom), I’ve read all three books in a series devoted to life after episode 6 (Han and Leia have Jedi babies! Aren’t you glad you know?). I even sat through the dismal “Clone Wars” movie, for which my very disappointed husband apologized profusely.

You can’t imagine my relief when I heard a new Star Trek movie was on the horizon. Finally, my family would understand. Finally, they would see what real science fiction looks like. Finally, they would enter into my world, a world no Jedi, Ewok, or Wookiee could even dream of matching. It was time for a little retribution, Vulcan style. (Vulcan retribution involves sitting the family down and showing them, logically, how Star Trek is better than Star Wars. For instance, any Klingon with an ounce of self respect would have ripped C3P0 to pieces the first time he uttered one of his obnoxious puns.)

I’ve actually been planning my space coup for a while now. For Christmas, I bought my husband a Dr. Demento cd set, knowing full well the song, “Star Trekkin,’” would become a family favorite. The kids may not know anything about the Starship Enterprise or Captain Kirk yet, but they shout/sing the lyrics with abandon. “Staaaaaaar Trekkin’ across the universe! Boldly going forward ‘cause we can’t find reverse!”

Though the kids had been primed (ten points to the Trekker who gets that joke) by the musical introduction, I knew the only hope I had of turning the tide away from the Force and toward the Federation would be to convince their leader. Lucky for me, I had at my disposal the collusion of my husband’s boss, a devoted Trek fan who has my undying love and respect. He arranged for his Trekker employees to take some time off and join him at the Imax theater to see the new Trek movie opening weekend. Curiosity and affection for me were enough to get my husband into a seat beside me. Two hours later, he was excitedly making plans to watch every incarnation of Star Trek ever made.

It’s only a matter of time before cardboard phasers replace cardboard lightsabers, and people, that’s a beautiful thing. My house has been Lucasland long enough. It’s time for us to pledge allegiance to the United States of Roddenberry. I plan to teach the kids Klingon over the summer, and I’m already polishing up my mind meld skills for those moments they’re being naughty and aren’t telling the whole story. As Q is my witness, we will be a Trek family by the end of the year.

Leonard Nimoy has an open invitation to Christmas dinner.