Thursday, August 28, 2014

I hate my professor.

No, that's too strong. I thoroughly dislike my professor.

No...he's a nice guy, he teaches well, and he's funny.

Final slide of his lecture last week.

My professor, though he's a nice, funny, good teacher, makes me want to cry.

I've made it to the Dependency and Addictions class in my masters degree program for Mental Health Counseling. Our professor announced last week that we would all need to choose a personal addiction, write a treatment plan for our own recovery, follow it throughout the course, and then reflect on it as part of our final papers.

I should have chosen Facebook. I'm REALLY addicted to Facebook. Why didn't I choose Facebook? (Because I'm REALLY addicted to it. Duh.)

I just sent him a private message letting him know my chosen addiction is carbohydrates and that my criterion for "sobriety" would by my doctor-recommended carb limit of 150 grams per day.

And this is me now.

I now have to choose a theoretical orientation for my personal treatment and lay out the treatment process based on that orientation. Here are some possible theories and their treatment steps.

Moral theory
I'm not going to choose this one because if there is a God, then God made carbs, so carbs can't be immoral. And if God is love, then God is cheesecake. Amen. (Willful misrepresentation of moral theory? Why, yes! And I'm very proud of it, too!)

Disease theory:
-Initial detox: Maybe going a few days with zero carbs (NOOOOOO!) or doing a cleanse. (NOOOOO!)
- Finding a 12 step group or other support meeting. (Do they have those at Krispie Kreme? I'd go to meetings at Krispie Kreme.)
- Finding a sponsor. (Debbie. I'm definitely going to ask Debbie. Little Debbie. Or my friend Betty...Crocker.)

Genetic theory:
Woot woot! It's all your fault, MOM!
I've done most of the treatment options for this one with my doctor already. I could write a treatment plan that addresses my anxiety AND my carb addiction, but that just sounds like more work AND no ice cream. (NEXT!)

Behavioral theory:
- Aversion therapy: Every time I eat carbs, institute an unappealing consequence. (When I eat a tasty cookie, I then have to eat a less tasty cookie. Yes, I can do that.)
- Desensitization: Practice handling my anxiety or desire for carbs while surrounded by carbs or viewing carb-heavy entertainment. (Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka!)
- Nondestructive reward system: When I avoid carbs, I'll reward myself with a non-carb reward like a hobby or some exercise. (This is like the dufus on my yoga DVD telling me to reward myself with a nice, big glass of water.)


Sociocultural theory:
Woot woot! It's all your fault, UTAH!

Integrative theory:
A little bit of what's good about all the other theories. (Like the dessert buffet at Golden Corral. No need to restrict yourself to one genre.)

Of course, I kid. I'm actually excited to do this project because a) I've been comfortable at 220 pounds for too long and it's time to progress again; and b) I like good grades, and I cannot lie.

Yes, it will be hard to get serious about my raging carb addiction, but I'll ultimately learn a bit about myself, I'll learn about my future clients, and maybe I'll get a little healthier in the process.

And I can completely ignore my Facebook addiction.


AngelKnitter said...

How did this go for you?